British Fashion Spy Sea Side Underground Lair Discovery

image via hapsical

In the futuristic, post-apocalyptic, rogue, spy girl, novel version of my life these men have shown up to hunt and capture me, because I'm on the verge of solving the world's lack-of-drinkable-water problems by breaking into the underground lair of the evil dictator that has managed to make the populations of the world's cities believe that all drinkable water now exists on the moon (after that moon core drilling project they did a decade previous) and we have to pay high premiums just to stay alive. The underground lair is actually entrance to the world's largest underground aquifer system that he keeps hidden from everyone else in order to use it as his private swimming, water drinking, spelunking playground. I'm about to break in and discover all of this so he's sent his henchmen (these guys) after me to hunt me and take me into the very lair I'm about to break into. (Oh! The synchronicity of the moment!) Why take me underground, you ask? Because these things always go that way--the heroine gets captured, brought into the secret hideout, and then the evil one goes into narrative mode and reveals all his secrets just before we discover the heroine has actually undone her ropes and is about to kick the evil dictator's unholy ass.

Well, skip that last captured, rope-untying, narrative-monologuing part. Cause in my novel these three show up to capture me. I take one look at their outfits, decide "fuck yeah, I'd wear that" and then break their bones with my crazy, desert fighting abilities, and take the clothes they've got on, leaving them to wander the desert wearing only their sleeveless white undershirts, pale white boxers, and socks complete with garders (they're British, remember?). One of the outfits I express send to Matt via auto-jet-pack mail drone. The third one I haven't decided what to do with yet. (I get the outfit on the far right. Matt gets the one in the middle.) Then I break into that damned lair wearing sweet leather boot pants and wool poncho cape in order to discover that secret underground aquifer mentioned above. Thank god. All that leather's made me thirsty.