The Chocolate Frozen Dessert (Ice Cream) Taste Test Continues

If you've been reading this blog long enough, you're well aware that the ten-year old and I have a commitment to taste testing vegan dairy substitutes of beverage and frozen dessert variety. We have taken it upon ourselves as a kind of duty to taste test all vegan ice cream varieties and towards that end have rated coconut, soy, and cashew options.

After our last taste test installment (the cashew) I became convinced that people met in Natural Food Stores are not, generally speaking, to be trusted for reliable food recommendations.

We've been steered towards really horrendous non-dairy frozen dessert options by whole heartily enthusiastic fellow-customers multiple times now. It's important to learn from such experiences and take a scientific skepticism to the taste testing process. That is, don't get excited in advance for what (a) appears to be a really yummy taste option, or (b) has been recommended by (even multiple) natural food store customers. I believe that after years of surviving on sorghum powder, and spelt their taste buds are radically confused about what really counts as 'good.'

Tonight, we were able to secure two more vegan frozen dessert options, but decided to further extend our tasting duties into lactose free alternatives, and then also reward ourselves with two types of gelato. Gelato, as most of us realize, is the Italian Royalty of the ice cream world. Surely, by now, we deserved a genuine treat after surviving too many run-ins with the likes of soy dream, and Freezee's Fudgee Fudge (see previous reviews for how outrageously bad these turned out to be; to be clear, Soy Dream is now our standard of measure for how bad things can be any time someone may randomly ask "yeah, but how bad can it be?").

So, we're tasting the following: first, two non-dairy options; second, a goat's milk alternative; finally, two gelatos. All chocolate.


Taste Test Guidelines
Again, here are the tasting guidelines.

We only purchase to taste chocolate frozen desserts. (So far, we've just been tasting things that come in the ice cream style tub. We haven't yet moved onto frozen treats like "ice cream" bars.)

5 point rating system--5 being yum; 1 being absence of yum

VEGAN AND LACTOSE FREE OPTIONS

1. Arctic Zero Frozen Dessert, Chocolate -- Low Calorie, Fat Free, Gluten Free, Lactose Free

Arctic Zero trumps itself as the allergy sufferers option that also supports the needs of those that long to eat an entire pint. Somehow the whole pint contains only 128 calories (what?!). It advertises itself as the "rich, creamy ice cream replacement." After reading all over the container I finally found (they bury this information) that the product is made of whey. Oh little miss muffet! Let's taste what you've been eating all these years!

me: smooth, and creamy up front in the mouth. immediately disappears into the mouth. has a chocolate smell, but only a very slight chocolate flavor. not at all bad. just kind of like eating a cloud. not substantial.

the ten-year old: "huh." smooth, creamy, subtle, but weird after taste.

rating: 3

(Remarkably, this turned out to be the best of the products we tasted tonight.)

2. Living Harvest TEMPT, hempmilk frozen dessert, chocolate fudge

This product again prides itself on being a good option for those with allergies. It is marketed as both lactose, and gluten free. This product also touts itself as rich in omegas.

I have to confess that the name of this dessert is what convinced me to launch into the time and expense of another frozen dessert taste test. The idea of calling a product TEMPT seemed utterly ridiculous to me, as if they were asking you to recognize it would be bad before you ever tried it. So, with that in mind, let's try it!

me: harder texture. "uh..."

the ten-year old: "what?"

me: (not speaking and instead just writing notes)

the ten-year old: "uchhh... uccchhhhh... can you write that noise? can you? ucchhhhh... that's what i want mine to say."

me: "god. how do i describe this? nutty, cardboard grass woven placemat flavor. but the after taste goes away quickly, which is good."

rating: 2, only cause way better than soy dream.


LACTOSE FREE OPTION
3. LaLoo's Goat's Milk Ice Cream, Deep Chocolate
LaLoo's announces itself as "beyond gelato into wellness." With such a claim we thought it would suit well with the lactose free options, on the one hand, and the gelato options, on the other. The marketing focuses on the health considerations of goat's milk (though it doesn't actually explain what these are), and focuses on being a good alternative for the lactose intolerant.

me: outrageously creamy and rich at first. then very quickly showcases an intensely putrid, sour yech in the mouth. the flavor does not go away quickly.

the ten-year old: (crouching to the floor holding her gut after tasting) "uccchhhh... i HATE goat's milk. god! do you SEE? do you SEE why i wanted to just get something we'd had before and know we like? oh god!"

rating: the ten-year old clarifies that when you first put it in your mouth it is a 3; then it very quickly devolves into a 0.


GELATO

Having survived the lactose free options, we are looking forward to what we expect to be wonderful--the gelato.

4. Ciao Bella Chocolate Gelato

we agree on the description: creamy, rich. strongly nutty, crisp flavor full in the mouth, which is not very appealing, though not horrible. then that quickly fades to a creamy, appealing, chocolate taste.

rating: 3

5. Talenti Gelato, Double Dark Chocolate

We've intentionally saved this one for last because it looks so good in the container, and several people in the store recommended it. They even agreed that Soy Dream, and Freezee's Fudgee Fudge are horrible, so surely this will be good. Yes? It is our reward for having survived the previous options.

the ten-year old: (her face puckers; she croutches quickly to the floor, holding her gut)

me: "dear god! what do these people do to this stuff?! it is CHOCOLATE! how do you do this to chocolate! you have GELATO HERE PEOPLE. what did you do to this thing?!"

the ten-year old: "you've never reacted like that before when we're rating."

me: (trailing off) "what did you do to this thing..."

the ten-year old: "uccchhhhhh... it is so awful..."

me: "i don't even know how to describe this."

the ten-year old: "HOW ARE YOU TASTING IT AGAIN?! I CAN'T EVEN FINISH WHAT'S ON MY SPOON! OH MY GOD! ANOTHER BITE! YOU'RE HAVING EVEN ANOTHER BITE?!"

me: "i have to figure out how to describe it. oh god... god."

me: weird nutty plus sour flavors. very hard to describe. not good.

the ten-year old: "uuccchhhhhh... can you get that sound in there?"

rating: 1.5, only because it is not as bad as the soy dream. but, it actually upset my stomach.

Vegan Ice Cream Taste Test Continued

I've recently come to an apparently sound conclusion. **Do not trust the recommendations of common customers in natural food stores.** Recent empirical study supports the conclusion that such people will intend good things, but steer you wrong nonetheless. I can only guess that after years of getting by on less-than-adequate, but-still-healthy foods, they've gotten used to eating things that taste remarkably bad.

As you may recall, the ten-year old and I have done ample work on tasting and eating Vegan ice cream options. We set out to purchase and try every non-dairy ice cream option we could get in the same flavor --chocolate. At the time, there was one brand that usually sells in chocolate but wasn't available --Freezees Fudgee Fudge. The other customers that were there, also looking for ice cream, all recommended two types --Soy Dream ice cream, and Freezees Fudgee Fudge. Our original taste test proved Soy Dream to be the worst of the tasting options available, and in fact so bad we wouldn't eat again even mixed into really horrible ice cream shakes. But Freezees Fudgee Fudge wasn't available for sale so we waited for months excited to try what must be the best non-dairy ice cream ever.

Finally, two days ago the ten-year old and I were able to get Freezees Fudgee Fudge. Tonight we tried it.


Cashew-Based Ice Cream
1. Freezees Fudgee Fudge
5 point rating system--5 being yum; 1 being absence of yum


Me: (tasting the Freezes Fudgee Fudge) "Um..."
The Ten-Year Old: "How is it?"
Me: "Go ahead and try it."
The Ten-Year Old: "No. Tell me first."
Me: "No. No. Just try it. I had to try it. Go ahead and try it."
The Ten-Year Old: "No. Tell me."
Me: "No. Go ahead."

long pause...

The Ten-Year Old: "Oh God! Oh the after taste! The after taste! Oh my god! You let me try that!"

The Ten-Year Old Rating: on a five point scale: 0

Me: Oh, come on. Honestly, it's better than Soy Dream.

The Ten-Year Old: Okay, right. It's better than Soy Dream.

Final Rating on a Five-Point Scale: 1.3.2.1

Coconut Ice Cream Yurm!

Soy Delicious Frozen Coconut Ice Cream was one of the main vegan ice creams we recommended after our taste test earlier this fall too. It's yum!

Vegan Milk Yum Yum

So, my doc told me that I'm not allowed to eat vegan anymore. He honestly told me that I was getting enough protein for "the average person" but that I was "not the average person" and so needed more protein. He didn't explicitly tell me I had to eat meat. But he did list off all these non-meat alternatives, and then look me hard in the face and say "those are good, but they're not enough." The ten-year old and I had a long talk about it, and decided the thing to do then was to go ahead and eat meat but to only eat it from sustainable and subsistence sources. Our family in Alaska does subsistence hunting and fishing, for example. Here in Flagstaff, Arizona there are a number of sustainable food sources we can rely on too. I still really strongly dislike standard dairy beverages though. I hate the aftertaste and the way they coat my mouth. Soy milk can get tiring too. So, we generally switch out the kind of non-dairy milk we get so that we don't get too much soy (also not good for the environment, or local agricultures--soy is pushing out other more sustainable crops all over the U.S. market), and so we don't always pay so much for hemp, or almond milk. Recently though we found this coconut drinking milk that I'm completely hooked on now. Oh god. It's incredibly good. Both of us recommend it--So Delicious Coconut Milk. Yum! It's excellent with a Chocolate Newman's O dipped in for snacking too.

Vegan Ice Cream Taste Test

Okay, the nine-year old and I decided to do a side by side taste test of every vegan ice cream available in one flavor at our local health food store. We chose chocolate as the flavor option. Based on that we were able to taste test five types--three soy, two coconut milk based frozen deserts. There are two other types that came highly recommended by customers at the shop, but both were sold out. So, we'll have to return to taste them at another time.

Nine-year old rating standard: scale of 1-5; 5 being 'yum', 1 being 'absence of yum'

The Soy Milk Options
1. Organic So Delicious; Flavor Name: Chocolate Velvet

me: Can smell the soy immediately. Not surprising, then, that it also tastes of soy, though you can taste the chocolate flavor too. There is a bit of unpleasant after taste--a touch tart and sour in your mouth. Very light texture, melts quickly. Not creamy at all. Best eaten with a ton of chocolate chips on top, and a cracker on the side to cover up the after taste.

the nine-year old: "Smells like you'll be able to taste the soy. (pause) Oh! I was right!"

rating: 3 1/2

2. Soy Dream; Flavor Name: Chocolate

me: Denser texture than the So Delicious. Wierdly sweet yuck fruit flavor. Melts quickly. Oh dear god, the taste is horrible. Don't do this one.

the nine-year old: "Um... Tastes like soap. Can you taste that? It tastes like soap!"

me: What she said. It does. It tastes like soap.

rating: 1

3. Soy Delicious, Fruit Sweetened; Flavor Name: Awesome Chocolate

me: Best of the three. Light texture. Icy on the tongue. Melts quickly. Best chocolate flavor, and overall flavor. No bad after taste. Soy is clearly not as creamy as dairy when frozen. If you're going to go soy, definitely go Soy Delicious.

the nine-year old: "Best yet. Top bit frozen, but not bad."

rating: 3 1/2-4


The Coconut Milk Options
1. Purely Decadent Coconut Milk; Flavor Name: Chocolate

me: Best "at opening" texture so far. Smooth. A lot more creamy than soy. Slight after taste, but it is mostly nutty, which isn't bad. Best option so far.

the nine-year old: "Frozen, but easy to get into (with a spoon). Best so far."

rating: 4 1/2

2. Coconut Bliss; Flavor Name: Dark Chocolate

me: Firmest frozen texture. Prettiest appearance upon opening. Funny after taste--hard to describe, a bit like toast but not as pleasant. Initially creamy, but then not.

the nine-year old: "Why can't I taste anything? Do you taste anything? Why can't I taste anything? Really. I don't taste anything. (pause) If it has no flavor, you can't really be mad at it. It's a lot better than that bad one that way. So, I guess I give it a 5."


Conclusion:
We both agreed that of all 5 the Purely Decadent Coconut ice cream option was by far the best way to go. The advantages of coconut over soy are that the coconut has a better, creamy texture, a more palatable after taste, and coconut milk is not gas producing in the intestines. If you're going to go for soy though, definitely avoid the Soy Dream, and go for the Soy Delicious.

The Soy Milk Taste Test

Milk was some compulsive act for me as a little kid. My memory includes being endlessly thirsty, thinking water tasted like dirt, and loving the sweet cream of whole milk. As an adult, I can't bear it. Liquid dairy leaves a horrible after taste, and just doesn't appeal. I live with a nine-year old, however, and she's a little closer to that compulsion I recall living with. Usually I deal with this by alternating types of milk--dairy for her occasionally, almond, hemp, soy, oat, each time a different type (Rice milk upsets my stomach, and let's face it, it's damn watery anyway). We realized though that we'd like to know which soy when we hit the fourth notch of the cycle, and so this morning we did a blind soy milk taste test with four brands. Here are the results.

Conditions:

• Four brands--all original flavor
• A small amount of each poured into a red mug
  
• Order of mugs matched to order of soy boxes poured from
• Soy boxes left in kitchen; taste test in living room
  
• Taste in random order
• Report taste notes
• Rate by order of preference

Results:

1. Pacific Natural Foods, Ultra Soy, Plain

Rachel's Results (the 9-year old opinion):

• tastes like two types of nut
• taste lasts longer in mouth than other soy milks
  
• rating: 3-4 out of 5 (5 being mega yum; 1 being absence of yum)
  

Elaine's Results (the I'm tired but care opinion):

• strong taste immediately
• sweetest of the milks
• very creamy
• a dessert beverage

2. Soy Dream Soy Milk, Original Classic

Rachel's Results:

• smells good
• vanilly
• 4 out of 5
• good for breakfast
• but could work for lunch

Elaine's Results:

• creamy
• nutty taste
• touch of sweetness
• flat, bland taste

3. West Soy, Organic Soymilk, Original

Rachel's Results:

• almondy
• would work for lunch
• good for dinner
• 4 out of 5

Elaine's Results:

• toasted oat flavor
• creamy texture (most appealing texture)
• touch of sweetness
• very slight hint of fruit
• most interesting complexity of flavor
• would definitely drink as regular soy milk buy

4. Organic, Eden Soy, Original Soymilk

Rachel's Results:

• slight almond taste
• 2-3 out of 5

Elaine's Results:

• dry toasted nut flavor
• watery flavor that manages to dry out the tongue
• bland, not interesting
• monotone taste

The definite winner was Westsoy, Rachel and I agreed. She said she liked Soy Dream just as well though, but that they had very different flavors. If you're asking me to write a personality taste based on soymilk preference: I'll admit, I have no idea.