why i love marie potstirrer ginger hair never-baas, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
as my friend kittee so wisely put it recently, what are people? sheep? i responded, yes. yes they are. that is, in my experience, a lot of people go with what will keep them comfortable without even really understanding if it's true to them or not, or even what "true to them" would mean; or maybe they like to argue in verbal, outward ways so that it might not LOOK LIKE they are just sheep (that is they APPARENTLY disagree with people freely), but they still just kind of do what the masses do--buy stupid crap that costs too much, vote for who they're told to vote for, wear ugly stuff because it's on trend. in the midst of such a cynical view as i've developed, it's refreshing to have friends that calmly and proudly have never baa-ed a day in their life, and manage to, from their non-wool composure, at exactly the same time be utterly dignified and respectful both to those with differing views from theirs, and to those that might happen to be sheep a time or two throughout their lives too.
i'm grateful to say marie of the ginger hair is a woman like that. some of my favorite memories of her over the at-least-16 years i've known her include discussions of the clothing she's gotten away with wearing to work, the surprising connections she's made with people at parties or other social events, and even the hilarious and absurd stories she's told about tenants she and her husband had to deal with in one of their rentals. (honestly, i wish i could recount any of these three things in greater detail but i feel this is too public a forum. let the point just be: marie is one of the people in my life that consistently keeps me entertained, wide-eyed, and happy, and to say that about anyone means having said a lot.)
i mentioned marie as a counter-example to the social-sheep problem up there because that's exactly who she is--a lovely counter-example to the social-sheep problem. one of the things i appreciate about her is her very well-grounded clarity about who she is, what she values, and how she lives her life coupled with a kind of balance between an ability to listen to others' views and the understanding of precisely when to stop listening. that is, marie has an openness to hearing what others care about too, but she also understands herself well enough to know when what someone else is saying has gone past the point of he or she simply recounting what he or she cares about. what the hell am i talking about here? i'm saying, i value marie's ability to care about others, and her ability to recognize precisely when a person's talking isn't really about that care anymore because it's crossed the line into whoever-they-think-they-are trying to make other people just like them. let's face it, most of us too readily fall into thinking others should be like us for us to get along with them, and we act that out by trying to tell others either what they should think or what they should do. marie carries with her a kind of centeredness that means she is neither swayed by such bad faith behavior, nor does she participate in it either. that is, she also doesn't do it herself. in all the years i've gotten to participate in conversations with marie, i've never seen her try and tell someone else what to do. the closest she's come to that has been saying what she has done in similar situations and giving reasons as to why she chose what she did--reasons that focused on what she values; and even there the tone of her account has hovered over recognizing that's what she did, and other people are simply different.
am i making my point here? we live in a polarizing world these days with media accounts, on the one hand, of how so and so celebrity politico, or just trash celebrity really screwed up and now we've gotta think badly of them, and, lots of media accounts too including economic rhetoric telling us what side we're supposed "to be on" or else. hell, insert fifteen more so-called hands here to capture all the other ways we're taught that we better only know how to get along with people that are either just like us or, swayed to our opinion. in the midst of such social dichotomies it's refreshing, relieving, and bolstering too to share a connection with someone that has their own strong-minded views of what is right, certainly, and at precisely the same time happily shares in conversation with others that might not agree, without concern over whether or not they sway to her view, and, even more generously, without demanding they speak the way she wants them to for her to keep talking to them. she knows what she cares about, and that's a lot.
way up there at the top in the title to this post i implied that marie is some kind of "pot stirrer." here's the actual truth: i don't think marie is much of a pot stirrer at all. i think she just speaks clearly from her own center of well-earned truth, and when anyone is able to do that a whole lot of people in the world suddenly find that they have much more rocky ground to stand on. it's not that their pot got stirred, it's that a lot of people have been living like sheep so long that when they try and stand like people again, on their own two legs, it turns out they've got not very strong, or well-balanced legs. when your knees are knocking like that, and you're holding a pot of stew, that stuff in there is gonna start mixing all around without anyone ever having to put a spoon in to stir it at all. (i'm mixing all kinds of metaphors here, i realize. but i think you can get my point anyway.) marie doesn't go around stirring anyone's pots, she just stands there as an example of how much brighter and stronger the rest of us can be (whether we're holding a pot of stew or not).
(incidentally: damn! i love stew. marie has a load of good recipes for that too. mmm... what a good friend to have!)
Showing posts with label 30 Day Why I Love Challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 Day Why I Love Challenge. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 17: Jenna
why i love jenna of the maui waves, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
image found
image foundtwo of the characteristics i admire most in other people are open-heartedness, and courage, or bravery. i've been lucky enough to get to witness both these traits in my friend jenna.
we met in a philosophy class on relationships during jenna's first full year at the university here. gratefully the class allowed time for connection beyond the typical class discussion, and in the midst of that extra interaction jenna struck me as a caring person both in terms of putting care into whatever she does, and in terms of caring for others. she took time to make sure she understood her studies, and she also cared deeply about how others were managing their workload, and their feelings too. this year i've gotten to interact with her in more social settings totally outside of the campus environ and have been blessed to see more of these very traits i mentioned at the opening of this post.
in jenna's upcoming life she is getting to extend her studies to an exchange program in western europe. the experience is significant and new for her as she will be abroad for at least 6-months and as a result also geographically removed from everyone she is close to. having gotten to see jenna as she prepares for her adventure has been touching in that both those characteristics --open heartedness and bravery-- are clearly showing through her.
though it may seem an unlikely source, the disney movie PRINCESS DIARIES has the following insight on bravery. courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. jenna has been honest that in the face of the remarkable life change she is experiencing great nervousness. she has said she is scared and has even felt trouble breathing at times anticipating it. but she's also made it clear that this trip is something she is going to do. in the midst of all her worries about the newness of the experience i have never heard her express a question of whether she will go or not--she is simply clear that what she is doing is important, and what is important deserves a kind of nervous reverence. in fact, nervous reverence seems, in my mind, to most clearly reflect a profound awareness of the very idea that what she is doing is important. i admire her ability to live fully through that sort of vulnerability and in doing so authentically celebrate the presence and effect of her own life choices.
in the midst of her plans, jenna has also taken great care to connect with her friends and loved ones, to share with them her feelings, to be open to their thoughts and suggestions, and even more beautifully, to be open to the discovery of what all of this will bring into her life--a newness that cannot be predicted. in this way, she's shown a remarkable openness to her own life that i feel blessed to be witness to. i know she blesses others in her life too by her open hearted example.
we met in a philosophy class on relationships during jenna's first full year at the university here. gratefully the class allowed time for connection beyond the typical class discussion, and in the midst of that extra interaction jenna struck me as a caring person both in terms of putting care into whatever she does, and in terms of caring for others. she took time to make sure she understood her studies, and she also cared deeply about how others were managing their workload, and their feelings too. this year i've gotten to interact with her in more social settings totally outside of the campus environ and have been blessed to see more of these very traits i mentioned at the opening of this post.
in jenna's upcoming life she is getting to extend her studies to an exchange program in western europe. the experience is significant and new for her as she will be abroad for at least 6-months and as a result also geographically removed from everyone she is close to. having gotten to see jenna as she prepares for her adventure has been touching in that both those characteristics --open heartedness and bravery-- are clearly showing through her.
though it may seem an unlikely source, the disney movie PRINCESS DIARIES has the following insight on bravery. courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. jenna has been honest that in the face of the remarkable life change she is experiencing great nervousness. she has said she is scared and has even felt trouble breathing at times anticipating it. but she's also made it clear that this trip is something she is going to do. in the midst of all her worries about the newness of the experience i have never heard her express a question of whether she will go or not--she is simply clear that what she is doing is important, and what is important deserves a kind of nervous reverence. in fact, nervous reverence seems, in my mind, to most clearly reflect a profound awareness of the very idea that what she is doing is important. i admire her ability to live fully through that sort of vulnerability and in doing so authentically celebrate the presence and effect of her own life choices.
in the midst of her plans, jenna has also taken great care to connect with her friends and loved ones, to share with them her feelings, to be open to their thoughts and suggestions, and even more beautifully, to be open to the discovery of what all of this will bring into her life--a newness that cannot be predicted. in this way, she's shown a remarkable openness to her own life that i feel blessed to be witness to. i know she blesses others in her life too by her open hearted example.
Monday, July 25, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 16: Ogden
why i love ogden andrew, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
YEARS ago students at a university in the pacific northwest started a unix based bulletin board as a computer science project. with the help of a professor, the university decided to host the bulletin board on their university wide network with the idea that classes could use it for help with homework and various class projects. as these things do, it quickly exploded into a social utility connecting staff, faculty, and students from all over the university community with each other. i've been lucky enough to be on the bulletin board since it's fairly early days (though many people got on a few years earlier than i did). it's a community that honestly has shaped my life, my sense of humor, my sense of connection to others, and has bolstered me in some of the tougher times of my life.
over the years the number of members still willing to connect via a unix model dwindled, but a core group of fucking interesting odd balls remained and have kept in contact with each other from the early 1990's all the way through till now. many of us stay connected via facebook now rather than through the original bulletin board, but even so it is a community deeply committed to each other.
one of the details that i always appreciated about being part of this online world was that the intimacy of the group allowed us all to share important aspects of our personal lives, and from that too to get to know the array of quirky knowledge any of us had in our arsenals. the bulletin board became the quickest go-to spot for finding an answer to any question that might come up through the course of any particular day. honestly, faster than a google search, posting in the unix world would return an insightful response to whatever it was we needed to know, and with more detail, and greater confirmation of what the asker particularly needed guidance on.
in the midst of this online world we got to know each other through mutual irritation, and mutual affection both and yet a long term understanding that each of us mattered to the other.
one of these beloveds is ogden andrew. if you need knowledge about cheese, current events, contemporary politics, IT intricacies, or the most recent celebrity death, ogden andrew is the man --he'll have the information. he's quick too to offer analysis of intellectual concerns people could be suffering under, always willing to contribute to such a conversation.
one of the elements of his personality that i've always admired is his deep commitment to his family. whether they be struggling, celebrating, or just having a regular day, ogden's response is always one of presence, care, and dedication. i've been blessed to hear of the development of both his boys over the years from toddler to teenager--through the huge range of occurrences in his boys' lives he's happily shared with our community what they're up to. his love of family has also shown itself through a profound steadiness with his wife. i have appreciated the subtle and consistent ways they support each other--celebrating each other's grace, and rallying together in challenges too to point out what each has done to move forward together.
those of us that have gotten to meet him in person have consistently talked of his friendly demeanor, and willingness to share (especially share cheese... mmm... cheese...). for myself, i have only gotten to interact with ogden online, but he has been a reliable, and important figure all these not-quite 20 years. he's someone that breathes life into online communities, and helps establish the architecture of its house of friendship.
YEARS ago students at a university in the pacific northwest started a unix based bulletin board as a computer science project. with the help of a professor, the university decided to host the bulletin board on their university wide network with the idea that classes could use it for help with homework and various class projects. as these things do, it quickly exploded into a social utility connecting staff, faculty, and students from all over the university community with each other. i've been lucky enough to be on the bulletin board since it's fairly early days (though many people got on a few years earlier than i did). it's a community that honestly has shaped my life, my sense of humor, my sense of connection to others, and has bolstered me in some of the tougher times of my life.
over the years the number of members still willing to connect via a unix model dwindled, but a core group of fucking interesting odd balls remained and have kept in contact with each other from the early 1990's all the way through till now. many of us stay connected via facebook now rather than through the original bulletin board, but even so it is a community deeply committed to each other.
one of the details that i always appreciated about being part of this online world was that the intimacy of the group allowed us all to share important aspects of our personal lives, and from that too to get to know the array of quirky knowledge any of us had in our arsenals. the bulletin board became the quickest go-to spot for finding an answer to any question that might come up through the course of any particular day. honestly, faster than a google search, posting in the unix world would return an insightful response to whatever it was we needed to know, and with more detail, and greater confirmation of what the asker particularly needed guidance on.
in the midst of this online world we got to know each other through mutual irritation, and mutual affection both and yet a long term understanding that each of us mattered to the other.
one of these beloveds is ogden andrew. if you need knowledge about cheese, current events, contemporary politics, IT intricacies, or the most recent celebrity death, ogden andrew is the man --he'll have the information. he's quick too to offer analysis of intellectual concerns people could be suffering under, always willing to contribute to such a conversation.
one of the elements of his personality that i've always admired is his deep commitment to his family. whether they be struggling, celebrating, or just having a regular day, ogden's response is always one of presence, care, and dedication. i've been blessed to hear of the development of both his boys over the years from toddler to teenager--through the huge range of occurrences in his boys' lives he's happily shared with our community what they're up to. his love of family has also shown itself through a profound steadiness with his wife. i have appreciated the subtle and consistent ways they support each other--celebrating each other's grace, and rallying together in challenges too to point out what each has done to move forward together.
those of us that have gotten to meet him in person have consistently talked of his friendly demeanor, and willingness to share (especially share cheese... mmm... cheese...). for myself, i have only gotten to interact with ogden online, but he has been a reliable, and important figure all these not-quite 20 years. he's someone that breathes life into online communities, and helps establish the architecture of its house of friendship.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 15: Matt
why i love matt glitterthug lovett, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
several years ago we both found ourselves in the over heated city of toronto attending a week-long philosophy intensive focusing on the intersection of kant and education. what a combo. we often sat on opposite sides of the circle-sitting group. about half way through the week though i wore a deconstructed, super loose fitting vivienne westwood airy white shirt dress and a pair of ankle wrapping, barely there black chie mihara sandals. the style of the sandal some people identified as "gladiator." they are wrong in that identification, but the point of mentioning it is that the chie's were made, and i was wearing them, before the gladiator trend began to dominate summer shoes, and even if these sandals don't, in my categorically-driven mind, count as gladiators, they were still for their time interesting and unusual. at the end of the week, matt and i finally ended up standing outside on a toronto library sidewalk next to each other. he confessed to me that when he saw me in the shirt dress and the sandals he noticed me uniquely, and wondered to himself, "i wonder if she knows what she's got on there, or if that outfit was just lucky." i'd been speaking up about kantian metaphysics and its lesson in the gains that can come from genuine humility as a learning comportment all week. but the thing was, the group was FULL of people talking about kant in complex and interesting ways, so it took the shoes to really grab his attention. by the end of the summer, matt told me, he'd answered his own question--does she know what she has there? with, she does! she does! and that was how our friendship started. we met with common interest in both a city, and philosophy, but it was our commitment to keeping an eye on fashion as an aesthetic project that made us friends.
i mean, along with the drinking.
and the gay-pop-rap-disco concerts.
and me single handedly encoring Cazwell at the end of his Toronto Pride 2007 show.
and our mutual commitment to gender-sexuality-race-class-liberation-aesthetic-development-responsibility politics.
matt is, hands down, one of the smartest people i've ever met. he's directed that intellectual ability towards feminist, and queer studies, as well as european philosophy. i've been able to have with him the most interesting conversations about what it means to be a self, the incoherence of such a question, the role of gender in society, the challenge of negotiating subject position, and all the other obvious stuff that connects to those utterly important and simultaneously trendy topics. even more interestingly, matt and i have gotten to share in a multi-year dialogue on the importance of fashion in relation to those topics--as the site through which they come to life, and can be more directly and effectively negotiated. it's a topic many people mistakenly resist. i know i'm not wrong about that.
a couple of years ago whysuttonloves made the comment that he thought the back-and-forth fashion related thread matt and i had developed via each others facebook walls could be turned into a critical discourse text on fashion, aesthetics, politics, and the self. that's a book i believe we could one day write, and it's also clear it would have to have a few chapters on leather and marshmallows added in.
matt has been my go-to person when it comes to dressing myself, planning costumes, and thinking through the challenges of finding slimane-era dior homme, or deciding if demeulemeester is really worth the price (the answer to this is always 'yes') since we first met that summer in toronto. this may sound trivial to some, but the truth is, imbedded within this conversation on clothes has been a powerful experience of recognition and its accompanying sense of acceptance, expression, and celebration. i know that experience has been true for both matt and i. in the midst of that engagement i believe we've both become more comfortable with ourselves, while we've also grown more open with each other.
in being close to matt, i've not only learned a hell of a lot more about fashion. i've also learned a hell of a lot about myself in relation to everything from relations with others--both in terms of romantic dynamics and in terms of political engagements, to the complexity of feeling and doing, to the necessity of glitter pants on a wednesday night in the middle of winter when no one else is even outside. in the midst of all that learning and growing i've done over the several years of our friendship, i've seen matt move through his own comparable developments too. indeed, his reflections on love, aesthetics, revulsion, post-modern challenges to the cohesive self, kantian perfectionism, hegelian spirit, deluezian drama ... has pushed me to grow too from witnessing and involving myself with his growing self. (lord, that sounds cheesy and complicated, doesn't it?)
in the midst of all this, matt has also extended the gift of my friendship with him into his willingness to engage with my friends too (including a couple of really hard to deal with ones that he patiently helped through their own self-awareness challenges through months of chatting online). matt is not only one of the sharpest minds i know, but also one of the dearest hearts.
perhaps, for a moment, to put it more simply, and to borrow his language: i love you, matty-bear. (and that's where the marshmallows show up.)
several years ago we both found ourselves in the over heated city of toronto attending a week-long philosophy intensive focusing on the intersection of kant and education. what a combo. we often sat on opposite sides of the circle-sitting group. about half way through the week though i wore a deconstructed, super loose fitting vivienne westwood airy white shirt dress and a pair of ankle wrapping, barely there black chie mihara sandals. the style of the sandal some people identified as "gladiator." they are wrong in that identification, but the point of mentioning it is that the chie's were made, and i was wearing them, before the gladiator trend began to dominate summer shoes, and even if these sandals don't, in my categorically-driven mind, count as gladiators, they were still for their time interesting and unusual. at the end of the week, matt and i finally ended up standing outside on a toronto library sidewalk next to each other. he confessed to me that when he saw me in the shirt dress and the sandals he noticed me uniquely, and wondered to himself, "i wonder if she knows what she's got on there, or if that outfit was just lucky." i'd been speaking up about kantian metaphysics and its lesson in the gains that can come from genuine humility as a learning comportment all week. but the thing was, the group was FULL of people talking about kant in complex and interesting ways, so it took the shoes to really grab his attention. by the end of the summer, matt told me, he'd answered his own question--does she know what she has there? with, she does! she does! and that was how our friendship started. we met with common interest in both a city, and philosophy, but it was our commitment to keeping an eye on fashion as an aesthetic project that made us friends.
i mean, along with the drinking.
and the gay-pop-rap-disco concerts.
and me single handedly encoring Cazwell at the end of his Toronto Pride 2007 show.
and our mutual commitment to gender-sexuality-race-class-liberation-aesthetic-development-responsibility politics.
matt is, hands down, one of the smartest people i've ever met. he's directed that intellectual ability towards feminist, and queer studies, as well as european philosophy. i've been able to have with him the most interesting conversations about what it means to be a self, the incoherence of such a question, the role of gender in society, the challenge of negotiating subject position, and all the other obvious stuff that connects to those utterly important and simultaneously trendy topics. even more interestingly, matt and i have gotten to share in a multi-year dialogue on the importance of fashion in relation to those topics--as the site through which they come to life, and can be more directly and effectively negotiated. it's a topic many people mistakenly resist. i know i'm not wrong about that.
a couple of years ago whysuttonloves made the comment that he thought the back-and-forth fashion related thread matt and i had developed via each others facebook walls could be turned into a critical discourse text on fashion, aesthetics, politics, and the self. that's a book i believe we could one day write, and it's also clear it would have to have a few chapters on leather and marshmallows added in.
matt has been my go-to person when it comes to dressing myself, planning costumes, and thinking through the challenges of finding slimane-era dior homme, or deciding if demeulemeester is really worth the price (the answer to this is always 'yes') since we first met that summer in toronto. this may sound trivial to some, but the truth is, imbedded within this conversation on clothes has been a powerful experience of recognition and its accompanying sense of acceptance, expression, and celebration. i know that experience has been true for both matt and i. in the midst of that engagement i believe we've both become more comfortable with ourselves, while we've also grown more open with each other.
in being close to matt, i've not only learned a hell of a lot more about fashion. i've also learned a hell of a lot about myself in relation to everything from relations with others--both in terms of romantic dynamics and in terms of political engagements, to the complexity of feeling and doing, to the necessity of glitter pants on a wednesday night in the middle of winter when no one else is even outside. in the midst of all that learning and growing i've done over the several years of our friendship, i've seen matt move through his own comparable developments too. indeed, his reflections on love, aesthetics, revulsion, post-modern challenges to the cohesive self, kantian perfectionism, hegelian spirit, deluezian drama ... has pushed me to grow too from witnessing and involving myself with his growing self. (lord, that sounds cheesy and complicated, doesn't it?)
in the midst of all this, matt has also extended the gift of my friendship with him into his willingness to engage with my friends too (including a couple of really hard to deal with ones that he patiently helped through their own self-awareness challenges through months of chatting online). matt is not only one of the sharpest minds i know, but also one of the dearest hearts.
perhaps, for a moment, to put it more simply, and to borrow his language: i love you, matty-bear. (and that's where the marshmallows show up.)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 14: Luis
why i love luis of the long hair and moustache, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
grad school sucks a lot, even if you wanna be there. moving to a country where it feels like no one understands you sucks a lot too. living in extreme heat and extreme cold when you're used to pretty moderate and consistent temperatures sucks good too. holy heck! i met luis under these three circumstances. he'd moved from brazil to montreal to go to graduate school. the areas of brazil he lived in previously all had moderate, fairly consistent temperatures and weather. his home country of course included his home culture, whereas montreal, obviously, did not. and i already said he'd moved to montreal for graduate school. so, he moved to montreal for triple suckness. that sucks a lot. on my side, i'd moved from areas of the united states that had far milder temperatures too, and even if i am from alaska originally, the winters there are NOT as bad as in montreal, and we just NEVER get that kind of humid-hell-heat. plus, as the post-palin world now knows a little too well, alaska's ideals are radically different from anywhere else. i'd made a point of expanding my interests since my life in that state, and as much as i loved montreal, i still found myself outside the norm there.
in the midst of the triple suckness though, somehow, luis and i found kindred spirits in each other. it turned out by simple luck of the draw he moved to my side of town (the east side), and as a result our friendship began by my offering him rides across town to his home. inevitably each ride home would include me suddenly realizing we had enough time for a quick stop and so i'd excitedly ask if he'd mind making a quick stop for something fabulous. it turned out luis was always wonderfully game to try something fabulous. and so together we got to taste our way around the city big-eyed savoring all kinds of yummies from local chocolates, wonderful croissants, one of a kind Hungarian apertifs, rose', macaron, and loads of other treats like Portuguese burgers, Spanish meats, and champagne after champagne after champagne.
my favorite things include intelligent conversation, enthusiastic appreciation of flavors with substance and elegance, passionate pursuit of leisure in proximity to hard work, and willingness to befriend a friend. luis was a treasure for these things during my life in montreal. he proved to be even more of a treasure for these things after my departure as i discovered through the many visits i've had since. prior to each visit luis would have scouted a new something-fabulous for us to savor together. in this way the effort i'd made to introduce the best of montreal to him when he first arrived in the city, he returned to me in multitudes. on top of our ability to happily share in these existentialist delights, luis and i have gotten to share in wicked humor, secret complaining, and long walks about the city. i'm grateful to have someone it feels safe enough to joke irreverently with, and talk through what troubles us or seems unjust within the communities we find ourselves. it's rare to share such luxury with someone in a genuine earnestness to help through listening and understanding.
luis has consistently impressed me too with his ultra sharp mind, his ability to pick up new ways of thought with quick, open-minded ease, and respond in thorough consideration and critique of the ideas almost on the spot. as simple a thing as it might sound, i've also always loved hearing him jump between English, Spanish, Portuguese, and more recently the French he's picked up living in montreal. he reads Latin and Greek too, i might add.
my deepest appreciation for luis, though, is found in his gregarious, deep-tummied laugh. it's one i recognize from those few i've found to have the best humor--a kind of earthy, light-hearted, and naughty rumble from deep in his torso shot gunning through his throat.
on top of all this i count myself especially lucky in that i am the only person, as far as i know, in montreal that he told his actual birthdate too--a day on the calendar i promised him i'd never reveal, even if i make a point of wishing him a happy birth anniversary each year just the same.
grad school sucks a lot, even if you wanna be there. moving to a country where it feels like no one understands you sucks a lot too. living in extreme heat and extreme cold when you're used to pretty moderate and consistent temperatures sucks good too. holy heck! i met luis under these three circumstances. he'd moved from brazil to montreal to go to graduate school. the areas of brazil he lived in previously all had moderate, fairly consistent temperatures and weather. his home country of course included his home culture, whereas montreal, obviously, did not. and i already said he'd moved to montreal for graduate school. so, he moved to montreal for triple suckness. that sucks a lot. on my side, i'd moved from areas of the united states that had far milder temperatures too, and even if i am from alaska originally, the winters there are NOT as bad as in montreal, and we just NEVER get that kind of humid-hell-heat. plus, as the post-palin world now knows a little too well, alaska's ideals are radically different from anywhere else. i'd made a point of expanding my interests since my life in that state, and as much as i loved montreal, i still found myself outside the norm there.
in the midst of the triple suckness though, somehow, luis and i found kindred spirits in each other. it turned out by simple luck of the draw he moved to my side of town (the east side), and as a result our friendship began by my offering him rides across town to his home. inevitably each ride home would include me suddenly realizing we had enough time for a quick stop and so i'd excitedly ask if he'd mind making a quick stop for something fabulous. it turned out luis was always wonderfully game to try something fabulous. and so together we got to taste our way around the city big-eyed savoring all kinds of yummies from local chocolates, wonderful croissants, one of a kind Hungarian apertifs, rose', macaron, and loads of other treats like Portuguese burgers, Spanish meats, and champagne after champagne after champagne.
my favorite things include intelligent conversation, enthusiastic appreciation of flavors with substance and elegance, passionate pursuit of leisure in proximity to hard work, and willingness to befriend a friend. luis was a treasure for these things during my life in montreal. he proved to be even more of a treasure for these things after my departure as i discovered through the many visits i've had since. prior to each visit luis would have scouted a new something-fabulous for us to savor together. in this way the effort i'd made to introduce the best of montreal to him when he first arrived in the city, he returned to me in multitudes. on top of our ability to happily share in these existentialist delights, luis and i have gotten to share in wicked humor, secret complaining, and long walks about the city. i'm grateful to have someone it feels safe enough to joke irreverently with, and talk through what troubles us or seems unjust within the communities we find ourselves. it's rare to share such luxury with someone in a genuine earnestness to help through listening and understanding.
luis has consistently impressed me too with his ultra sharp mind, his ability to pick up new ways of thought with quick, open-minded ease, and respond in thorough consideration and critique of the ideas almost on the spot. as simple a thing as it might sound, i've also always loved hearing him jump between English, Spanish, Portuguese, and more recently the French he's picked up living in montreal. he reads Latin and Greek too, i might add.
my deepest appreciation for luis, though, is found in his gregarious, deep-tummied laugh. it's one i recognize from those few i've found to have the best humor--a kind of earthy, light-hearted, and naughty rumble from deep in his torso shot gunning through his throat.
on top of all this i count myself especially lucky in that i am the only person, as far as i know, in montreal that he told his actual birthdate too--a day on the calendar i promised him i'd never reveal, even if i make a point of wishing him a happy birth anniversary each year just the same.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 13: Larry Meyer
why i love larry meyer, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
the simple truth is our parents can't provide everything for us when we're growing up. there are logistical limitations, time constraints, and personality mismatches. most of our parents do their best and where they don't meet our needs they often aren't really to blame. when we're lucky other folks come in and provide more of what helps make us who we're busy becoming. growing up i was lucky enough to have a lot of these other folks in my life. one of the main ones is a man i now recognize as something like a second father, larry meyer. he and my parents met in college. the story goes that larry was busy pulling pranks much of the time, though i don't think i heard many accounts of him getting caught. eventually he and his wife, and my parents ended up all living in the same town in alaska, and larry and my father taught at the same school too. my mom had grown up in bristol bay, alaska, home to the biggest salmon run in the world. as a result, she'd been commercial fishing almost since birth, being her "grandfather's only boy", as she likes to put it. my father married into the industry, then, and balanced his teaching life in the winters with the fishing life in the summers. by the time my parents had me, their third babe, they needed more help in the fishery and so larry became my mom's right hand man. (my dad drift nets, while the rest of the family set nets. larry became a setnetter.)
the gifts larry brought to the family fishing operation are numerous. his meticulous nature provided thorough organization to the equipment, the approach, and the timing of the operation. machinery, if broken, was quickly fixed, and NEVER broke due to something that could have been prevented like rust or wear. the safety factor for my family's fishing crew was high and reliable thanks to larry's dedication. when i became old enough to start fishing too at the age of 9 larry carried a high level of patience in his approach to teaching me basic skills and putting me through the paces. i thank him for always carrying that calm presence into what were often high pressure situations.
one of my main memories of the meyer's house growing up was the calendar they kept in the bathroom. the calendar stood out to me as important because on each day were small marks of numbers denoting the mileage larry had put in that day running. by the end of each year he'd have a tally of miles run, and now still decades into the project he can tell you how many miles he ran, say, in the 1980's, for example. i admire still his thoroughness. i also have a fondness for the construction i got to witness on the meyer's home as i was growing up. larry built a small shop complete with saw, lumber, and innumerable tools, and then he used the shop to remodel, and expand the family home. as a result, the meyer family--maw, paw, and two kids, plus different dogs over the years--was able to comfortably stretch in the same home all the decades i've been alive. there is a kind of richness to life in one place like that and i am grateful to rest in it everytime i go back to visit them there.
one of the greatest blessings of my adult life was realizing that my having grown up to develop my own interests meant i'd also grown into a person that could converse like friends with larry. i'd aged enough to interact with him not just as a father figure, but as an intellectual confidant too. larry taught jr. high level social studies as his career. then, post retirement, he dedicated his life to continued study and reading on western religions. when i return to alaska now we are able to discuss his interest on the matter in a way i know both of us appreciate.
i am grateful to have gotten to have a connection with larry meyer that reaches over the duration of my life thus far. it's a precious gift to be guided in growth by a steady mentoring figure, and then to reach a stage when something more like a friendship can develop too. larry is one of the people that helped provide the landscape of my life, and thus has helped make me who i am today.
the simple truth is our parents can't provide everything for us when we're growing up. there are logistical limitations, time constraints, and personality mismatches. most of our parents do their best and where they don't meet our needs they often aren't really to blame. when we're lucky other folks come in and provide more of what helps make us who we're busy becoming. growing up i was lucky enough to have a lot of these other folks in my life. one of the main ones is a man i now recognize as something like a second father, larry meyer. he and my parents met in college. the story goes that larry was busy pulling pranks much of the time, though i don't think i heard many accounts of him getting caught. eventually he and his wife, and my parents ended up all living in the same town in alaska, and larry and my father taught at the same school too. my mom had grown up in bristol bay, alaska, home to the biggest salmon run in the world. as a result, she'd been commercial fishing almost since birth, being her "grandfather's only boy", as she likes to put it. my father married into the industry, then, and balanced his teaching life in the winters with the fishing life in the summers. by the time my parents had me, their third babe, they needed more help in the fishery and so larry became my mom's right hand man. (my dad drift nets, while the rest of the family set nets. larry became a setnetter.)
the gifts larry brought to the family fishing operation are numerous. his meticulous nature provided thorough organization to the equipment, the approach, and the timing of the operation. machinery, if broken, was quickly fixed, and NEVER broke due to something that could have been prevented like rust or wear. the safety factor for my family's fishing crew was high and reliable thanks to larry's dedication. when i became old enough to start fishing too at the age of 9 larry carried a high level of patience in his approach to teaching me basic skills and putting me through the paces. i thank him for always carrying that calm presence into what were often high pressure situations.
one of my main memories of the meyer's house growing up was the calendar they kept in the bathroom. the calendar stood out to me as important because on each day were small marks of numbers denoting the mileage larry had put in that day running. by the end of each year he'd have a tally of miles run, and now still decades into the project he can tell you how many miles he ran, say, in the 1980's, for example. i admire still his thoroughness. i also have a fondness for the construction i got to witness on the meyer's home as i was growing up. larry built a small shop complete with saw, lumber, and innumerable tools, and then he used the shop to remodel, and expand the family home. as a result, the meyer family--maw, paw, and two kids, plus different dogs over the years--was able to comfortably stretch in the same home all the decades i've been alive. there is a kind of richness to life in one place like that and i am grateful to rest in it everytime i go back to visit them there.
one of the greatest blessings of my adult life was realizing that my having grown up to develop my own interests meant i'd also grown into a person that could converse like friends with larry. i'd aged enough to interact with him not just as a father figure, but as an intellectual confidant too. larry taught jr. high level social studies as his career. then, post retirement, he dedicated his life to continued study and reading on western religions. when i return to alaska now we are able to discuss his interest on the matter in a way i know both of us appreciate.
i am grateful to have gotten to have a connection with larry meyer that reaches over the duration of my life thus far. it's a precious gift to be guided in growth by a steady mentoring figure, and then to reach a stage when something more like a friendship can develop too. larry is one of the people that helped provide the landscape of my life, and thus has helped make me who i am today.
Monday, July 11, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 12: Pam
why i love pam, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
LaCroix Red Strapless Mini Dress
LaCroix Red Strapless Mini Dress
A few years ago there was a red strapless Christian LaCroix mini-dress I loved as soon as I'd first seen pictures of it. The thing was, it retailed for $4100. I'd kept my eye on it on the one site I saw it selling through online and the lowest I ever saw it get was $1375 on sale. A huge difference in price, surely, but still obviously a lot to spend for a red strapless cocktail dress. Then, over a year later, miracle of miracles I found exactly the same dress for sale on ebay a couple sizes too big for me and missing its belt. I made an offer and crazy enough bought the dress for only $250. Of course, it arrived, lovely as ever, and two sizes to big for me. My thought at the time was that I could wait till I left my mountain town for the summer and get the dress altered once I was in a big city with professional, fancy-dress-trained seamstresses in it. When the dress arrived I took it downtown to show it to a friend of mine I'd told about it. To give a better sense of the dress I tried it on (the thing floated all over me. It was pretty ridiculous.) and while prancing down the hall in my oversized French lusciously silk dress a woman walked out into the hall and started cooing over it. She loved the fabric. It had an iridescent shimmer to it--it was incredible quality she said. Then she started remarking on the design--how from the side the entire thing looked like a huge allusion to a bow, something you can't see in traditional "from the front and from the back" photos. She loved it. I started talking to her more and it turned out standing there in front of me was a professional, fancy-dress-trained seamstress right here in my little mountain "let's wear fleece and baggy pants all the time" town. That's how I met Pam. We were a match made in heaven--we both loved keeping up with fashion week progress online, we both hated fleece unless you're camping, and we both loved to laugh. Pam offered to make the dress actually fit me. Clutching it to my chest so the whole thing wouldn't just slip off, it was that loose, I told her, "look this is a $4100 dress. I didn't pay that much for it but that's how much I'd be losing if the dress got screwed up. It's basically irreplaceable." She looked me straight in the face and started telling me how she'd work on it. Within only a couple of minutes Pam had earned my alterations' trust and I handed the dress over to her the same day it had arrived in the mail, just moments after I'd accidentally met her in a downtown hallway. Over the next couple of weeks Pam altered my red strapless Christian LaCroix missing-the-belt-and-far-too-big-for-me dress so that now I can actually wear it and have it stay on (except for that little problem of my living in a town where everyone relies on fleece and baggy pants for dress-up). It turned out Pam had studied couture sewing techniques with a woman that spends part of her winter in Paris every year working on pattern design. When Pam hit a touchy spot in the LaCroix alteration process she contacted her couture sewing techniques' instructor to ask for advice. It turned out the woman RIGHT THAT VERY MOMENT was having wine and cheese with one of the men of the LaCroix house and so Pam was able to get advice straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. When I went in for a fitting the next day Pam was ecstatic telling me this story. She'd gotten the dress to fit, and I loved it. But even more thrilling than receiving my dress as wearable art was seeing how thrilled Pam turned out to be from the whole experience of getting to work on it, having contact with the LaCroix house itself as a result, and delivering it to me as wearable and so unusual in this little town. From that moment on we were friends. It turned out I'd met Pam in the midst of her considering significant change in her life. The town we lived in had gotten small for her interests and aspirations so she decided to take a huge risk and change her circumstances. She wanted to take her sewing and design skills and bring them to the next level, so to speak. So, she left Flagstaff and started a three-year fashion design program in Los Angeles. I saw her a couple of weeks ago and it's not just her skills that have become more robust and confident. It's also her already charming, soul-filled, and sparkling personality. When I told Pam about a conundrum I'd been in recently she listened to me closely for a few minutes and then looked me straight in the face again, as she had that first day we met. This time though she struck me with a challenge. She started by telling me how she believes I don't see well enough who I am or the effect I have in the world. She spent time describing to me what she sees in me, and then she asked me what it would mean for me to step fully into recognizing my own power and choose to live my life even more completely on my terms. In those moments when Pam was talking (in a way she hadn't the year before when she still lived here) the whole world seemed accessible. She spoke with a strength that delivered believing. Pam chose to change her life in order to pursue what she wants for it. In her speech to me last week she asked me to consider what would happen if I would do the same.
strangely, i just realized, i typed out this whole post with traditional "use capitalization for proper nouns and at the start of sentences" style, unlike the other editions of this series. somehow i think it must be appropriate to my recognition of wonderful pam, so i'm going to leave it.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 11: Uncle Glen
i've avoided writing in this series about people that are no longer alive because the truth is i know a LOT of dead people and i was trying to focus on how i love people that haven't shuffled off this mortal coil. but the truth is, some of my ability to love, and sense of loving people now is so very very much shaped by loved ones no longer living. so, i've given in and i am going to revel in why i love my dear departed uncle glen.
the summer before sixth grade my parents decided to give my uncle glen an offer. he'd shown signs he wanted to stop drinking and my parents thought perhaps they could provide motivation that would make the difference. they told him that if he went to detox and stayed successfully sober he could live with us during the year and fish on my dad's boat in the summers. he accepted. as a result, beginning in sixth grade, and on into my junior high years my uncle glen lived with us in anchorage.
the thing is, i'm the youngest of three girls by five years. what that meant for me was that i spent a lot of time on my own. even with others around, everyone else was much older and enthralled with their own appropriate projects. having glen move in with us meant there was suddenly another person around that it turned out i got to spend time with. he was good with me and, honestly, i adored him. i come from a rather stoic family. i often joke it's only been in the last few years any of them have learned to compliment and only because i've been shoving compliments down their throats for a while now (i intentionally decided to learn this rather complicated, vulnerable project of complimenting others in my early 20's. i really didn't grow up with them). glen though turned out to be someone that for whatever reason was incredibly proud of me and would let me know by bragging about me to his friends in front of me, and then teasing me the rest of the time. that experience of hearing a family member say nice things about me was something strikingly new for me at the time. more importantly, he let me know by just taking the time to spend time with me that he loved me. it's hard to explain what a huge difference that made in my life. i've never doubted my family loves me, but, the truth is, everyone was pretty busy when i was growing up, so having someone around with the ability to take time was unique. as a result he got to teach me quirky things too. he taught me how to play poker with monopoly money. there was a stretch of time where i really knew all these different forms of poker. i've since forgotten. we used to bet nickles on pro-basketball games--he was a huge celtics and larry bird fan. and he'd come to my cross country running races and cheer me on. one of my favorite photos is a snapshot of me just after my 7th grade regional race, red faced and breathing heavy, with my mom beaming on one side and her brother glen glowing on the other. i'd just come in 2nd, passing a slew of girls that had out-paced me in every other race that season. glen told that story several times the next several years.
the sad truth is glen returned to drinking before i got to high school. honestly, i think he was just bored off his ass living at my parents' house. it was an enormously generous gift they'd given him, but it wasn't enough glen's own. as a result i saw him less over the years. but even so, later when i was in high school, he had to have leg surgery and i visited him in the hospital. a friend happened to visit during the same time i was there and glen immediately started in on his bragging about me, his niece, right after he'd just been teasing me when we were on our own. glen's way of teasing me with utterly wry, slow paced style shaped my entire sense of humor. he also made clear that while things could honestly be hard there was no use whining about it. one of my favorite expressions of glen's was a simple response to any form of complaining. he'd look at me sideways, take off his glasses, and simply pull down the lower lid of one eye. then he'd go back to reading the newspaper. his point? -- i was complaining and his eyes were dry. he only had to pull this move with me once before i got the point and didn't whine to him anymore. he got me enthused about the game scrabble (the one board game i still love), and he introduced me to the idea first that maybe someone could be overtly proud of me just because i was me.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 10: Daniel
image foundwe met during a friend's jazz show in toronto years ago. in the midst of a large group of people someone introduced us. i remember thinking he was friendly and shy at the same time. later in the summer i ended up with he and two other friends at a bar playing "never have i ever" for the first time. somehow he and i managed to be the two that had never-ever'd more than the others, though he was ten years younger than me and it would seem like that'd mean i'd done so much more. later again in the same summer we ended up at an after hours dance party hosted by a woman we came to call the spider. she walked sideways and long limbed, it seemed. it was there that we danced for the first time. dancing is one of daniel's favorite things and he's studied it and practiced it for several years both for the rhythm of it and because of how it offers the chance to meet people. as that summer in toronto continued we developed a friendship that's followed us from toronto, to montreal, and all the way to denver, where he now lives. daniel's friendship is one built on calm connection and mutual care. though it started through a common interest in philosophy, and his willingness to put up with my under trained, poorly timed dancing (not to mention my obstinately (and embarrassingly) preaching philosophical points everyonce in a while), our friendship developed through his dedication to listening, his interest in personal development and spiritual openness, and his ability to laugh. daniel has a great seriousness to him. but it is a seriousness that dances in concert with his open heart. the combination is one i recognize and feel great affinity for--having lived a serious life myself, and perhaps for reasons i share in common with daniel too, i recognized in him the ways in which light-heartedness can play out through such self-reflective tendencies. it made me curious to get to know him. he reciprocated with both honest sharing of his own life history and understanding of himself, and an earnest responsiveness to getting to know me too. i've been lucky enough to take long walks with him through three excellent cities. to share good food with him in each as well. to listen to live music with him in two of them, and attend a pro-baseball game with him in the third. he also sprinted after and chased down a horse carriage for me when i expressed interest in getting a ride on one, and ordered up an al green song al fresco from a man we happened to meet singing songs on the street. and from daniel i've gotten to hear more about both the country of columbia, and the district of columbia, united states from his own experiences in both. daniel is a man with a loving heart that is also willing to live with a genuine humility. he shows such humility by freely admitting when he is still learning, and also through his ability to defer to those he sees as having experience he would learn from. in the face of major life decisions i have witnessed daniel's ability to make important change for the sake of his own highest good, even when such change has meant sacrificing previous investments and potential gains. he has faced such change with grace. daniel has also gifted me more often than he likely realizes with a sense of hope, relief, and comfort. i've been blessed with these by his ability to make contact through a simultaneity of honest self-reflection and sincere regard. in the midst of one of my loneliest times daniel happened to write me a letter that i can only describe as him sending me his own best self in brief. the truth was i'd become dispondent and a little bit hopeless. discovering that highest sense of him in the envelope changed my entire countenance and started me again on the path to believing in my own best self too. with daniel i look forward to our walks, our conversations, and the wonderful food and live music in other cities of our future.
Friday, July 8, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 9: K
why i love k, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
in her book COMMUNION bell hooks discusses the feminist revolution of the 1960s and 70s. she was one of the many women at the time at the forefront of instigating significant change in the united states. a change that opened up far more possibilities for women in the work force, and in other choices of the social world as well. however, she also discusses the failures of the feminist revolution--where it's limit took effect. while women gained greater opportunities and freedoms in regards to labor, they did not in most cases gain greater freedom at home, hooks points out. this reality is true in several ways. strictly speaking there is a greater awareness in the united states and canada of the idea that work at home can be shared or split between men and women, though in many cases, as hooks describes, women came home to work "the second shift" (do all the housework too). it is important to point out though that in consideration of something like housework we are still simply discussing a question of labor. what hooks wants to point out though is that it is in non-labor terms that feminism failed. most men realized, hooks claims, they wanted women to work too. it made things easier in all kinds of ways. however, women did not necessarily gain greater freedom in terms of openness and connection with the men in their lives.
while it became understood that women could work, other aspects of "a woman's role" did not so readily shift. hooks describes how, as a result, many women find themselves with greater confidence and more ability in their social lives, or their works lives, but still frustrated at home. feminism succeeded in shifting how we understand labor, and failed to help us shift how we understand emotional connection with others, or the possibility of love as a source of freedom in commitment.
two years ago i was lucky enough to meet k in an incredibly challenging, rather esoteric exploration of core philosophy--the study of knowledge. she showed herself to be a passionately committed student, determined to rise to the challenge of academic life, both in terms of fulfilling requirements with excellence and in terms of improving her thinking through study and practice. the next semester i was lucky enough again to share a class with k. this class was even harder in that it was another highly demanding philosophy class in terms of the texts and ideas that would be studied, but it was even more demanding in that the class design and topic were situated as to make the study intensely personal. it was a feminist philosophy class on sex, love, and the self--an examination of how we understand, and how we choose and act in relationships, with the understanding that to better grasp freedom in such a place one must also consider how we understand, and how we choose and act as our selves. again, k proved herself to be a student determined to rise to the challenges of academic life. but even better, she proved herself to be someone committed to considering such challenges in deeply personal ways.
k is stanchly and proudly feminist. the life of a feminist is a bit like the little kid in the story about the emperor with no clothes--you live in the uncomfortable clarity of seeing how others are buying into ludicrous untruths. the difference is that, unlike the story of the Emperor, his clothes, and the kid that can see clearly, what the feminist sees clearly includes how the ludicrous untruths do great damage to themselves and people in general. in this way, feminism brings a new vision to dynamics of the social world. it can be enough to make a person wish sometimes that they didn't have such clarity. however, as hooks discusses, feminism isn't just about social or political (labor based) realities. it's also about making things work at home, even if the feminist movement hasn't yet succeeded at shifting that front.
k readily lives in the struggle of that feminist limit--that is, the struggle of trying to figure out how the hell to live feminism as a personal freedom at home, in love, and with feeling. it is a very real struggle. it is personally painful to push through and live in, as i've said. to claim someone readily lives in the struggle is not necessarily to claim it is what they would choose for themselves--after all we feminist masochists are not masochist at all. we'd much rather the world together had shifted to love through freedom in commitment too. it is also not to claim they are happy in it. what i am saying is that k is someone that somehow is at home in this struggle. what the hell do i mean by that?
as i discussed a week or so ago in my introduction to daphne guiness, camus discusses the paradox of the absurd as an irreconcilable, irresolvable tension between two true but conflicting realities--we will die and so our lives will be as meaningless, and we are alive and so our lives have meaning. to live as someone that understands camus well, then, is to be at home in the irresolvable conflict of facing your mortality and being passionately alive because of it. to be at home in such a reality isn't to be comfortable all the time, nor is it to want the tension that state suggests. it is to understand instead that such tension is the truest expression of yourself and that what that means is you claim your life and how your choices define what that life will mean, and, as a result too, who you will be.
the feminist conundrum has a similar form to it. that is, the world operates in restrictive (patriarchal) norms that constrain women personally even while in the last few decades giving them greater freedom of labor. to rise to the occasion that is that restriction, and strive to fulfill the remaining shift that is greater freedom personally, through love, at home, and in emotional connection requires seeing how the very process of love, which is a form of committing yourself to someone (and there are many ways to enact such commitment) is actually a process of freedom at exactly the same time. the paradox appears through this notion that one gains freedom through the very act of choosing the restrictions of binding yourself in some sense to another person through love. one cannot love in any genuine sense without also enacting forms of attachment. it is through such attachments that the vision and understanding of the other that find themselves in love can take shape. short of that we are just having feeling about someone. (though, do not over read what i am saying here. i am neither denying the possibility of love igniting rather spontaneously, nor am i claiming that we must bind ourselves to people that might unhealthily restrict us. i am not claiming that to be any form of freedom and i believe bell hooks would see such unhealthy attachment as being a form of relationship in patriarchy, not love in freedom.)
now, again, here is what i am saying about k. i love k for her dwelling in that shifting point where feminism becomes not merely political or social but personal. i love her for her living at home in the feminist conundrum, whether she has really gained understanding of it or not. i love her for her determination to strive forward in a feminist commitment even with the truth that there is a great personal pain that cannot help but exist because of it--pain from seeing how untruths do real damage to people, and pain from facing the challenge of making your home life (whether in a relationship or on your own) live out your feminist commitments in genuine freedom. k is a person deeply committed to what she believes is right. she is willing to suffer the binding reality of such duty in order to fulfill the demands of it. may her heart be ever bolstered. may her path be smooth. may she be supported by those others of us also finding their home in this tension. may she be one of the ones that follows feminism forward to its greatest implication--love as an act of freedom.
in her book COMMUNION bell hooks discusses the feminist revolution of the 1960s and 70s. she was one of the many women at the time at the forefront of instigating significant change in the united states. a change that opened up far more possibilities for women in the work force, and in other choices of the social world as well. however, she also discusses the failures of the feminist revolution--where it's limit took effect. while women gained greater opportunities and freedoms in regards to labor, they did not in most cases gain greater freedom at home, hooks points out. this reality is true in several ways. strictly speaking there is a greater awareness in the united states and canada of the idea that work at home can be shared or split between men and women, though in many cases, as hooks describes, women came home to work "the second shift" (do all the housework too). it is important to point out though that in consideration of something like housework we are still simply discussing a question of labor. what hooks wants to point out though is that it is in non-labor terms that feminism failed. most men realized, hooks claims, they wanted women to work too. it made things easier in all kinds of ways. however, women did not necessarily gain greater freedom in terms of openness and connection with the men in their lives.
while it became understood that women could work, other aspects of "a woman's role" did not so readily shift. hooks describes how, as a result, many women find themselves with greater confidence and more ability in their social lives, or their works lives, but still frustrated at home. feminism succeeded in shifting how we understand labor, and failed to help us shift how we understand emotional connection with others, or the possibility of love as a source of freedom in commitment.
two years ago i was lucky enough to meet k in an incredibly challenging, rather esoteric exploration of core philosophy--the study of knowledge. she showed herself to be a passionately committed student, determined to rise to the challenge of academic life, both in terms of fulfilling requirements with excellence and in terms of improving her thinking through study and practice. the next semester i was lucky enough again to share a class with k. this class was even harder in that it was another highly demanding philosophy class in terms of the texts and ideas that would be studied, but it was even more demanding in that the class design and topic were situated as to make the study intensely personal. it was a feminist philosophy class on sex, love, and the self--an examination of how we understand, and how we choose and act in relationships, with the understanding that to better grasp freedom in such a place one must also consider how we understand, and how we choose and act as our selves. again, k proved herself to be a student determined to rise to the challenges of academic life. but even better, she proved herself to be someone committed to considering such challenges in deeply personal ways.
k is stanchly and proudly feminist. the life of a feminist is a bit like the little kid in the story about the emperor with no clothes--you live in the uncomfortable clarity of seeing how others are buying into ludicrous untruths. the difference is that, unlike the story of the Emperor, his clothes, and the kid that can see clearly, what the feminist sees clearly includes how the ludicrous untruths do great damage to themselves and people in general. in this way, feminism brings a new vision to dynamics of the social world. it can be enough to make a person wish sometimes that they didn't have such clarity. however, as hooks discusses, feminism isn't just about social or political (labor based) realities. it's also about making things work at home, even if the feminist movement hasn't yet succeeded at shifting that front.
k readily lives in the struggle of that feminist limit--that is, the struggle of trying to figure out how the hell to live feminism as a personal freedom at home, in love, and with feeling. it is a very real struggle. it is personally painful to push through and live in, as i've said. to claim someone readily lives in the struggle is not necessarily to claim it is what they would choose for themselves--after all we feminist masochists are not masochist at all. we'd much rather the world together had shifted to love through freedom in commitment too. it is also not to claim they are happy in it. what i am saying is that k is someone that somehow is at home in this struggle. what the hell do i mean by that?
as i discussed a week or so ago in my introduction to daphne guiness, camus discusses the paradox of the absurd as an irreconcilable, irresolvable tension between two true but conflicting realities--we will die and so our lives will be as meaningless, and we are alive and so our lives have meaning. to live as someone that understands camus well, then, is to be at home in the irresolvable conflict of facing your mortality and being passionately alive because of it. to be at home in such a reality isn't to be comfortable all the time, nor is it to want the tension that state suggests. it is to understand instead that such tension is the truest expression of yourself and that what that means is you claim your life and how your choices define what that life will mean, and, as a result too, who you will be.
the feminist conundrum has a similar form to it. that is, the world operates in restrictive (patriarchal) norms that constrain women personally even while in the last few decades giving them greater freedom of labor. to rise to the occasion that is that restriction, and strive to fulfill the remaining shift that is greater freedom personally, through love, at home, and in emotional connection requires seeing how the very process of love, which is a form of committing yourself to someone (and there are many ways to enact such commitment) is actually a process of freedom at exactly the same time. the paradox appears through this notion that one gains freedom through the very act of choosing the restrictions of binding yourself in some sense to another person through love. one cannot love in any genuine sense without also enacting forms of attachment. it is through such attachments that the vision and understanding of the other that find themselves in love can take shape. short of that we are just having feeling about someone. (though, do not over read what i am saying here. i am neither denying the possibility of love igniting rather spontaneously, nor am i claiming that we must bind ourselves to people that might unhealthily restrict us. i am not claiming that to be any form of freedom and i believe bell hooks would see such unhealthy attachment as being a form of relationship in patriarchy, not love in freedom.)
now, again, here is what i am saying about k. i love k for her dwelling in that shifting point where feminism becomes not merely political or social but personal. i love her for her living at home in the feminist conundrum, whether she has really gained understanding of it or not. i love her for her determination to strive forward in a feminist commitment even with the truth that there is a great personal pain that cannot help but exist because of it--pain from seeing how untruths do real damage to people, and pain from facing the challenge of making your home life (whether in a relationship or on your own) live out your feminist commitments in genuine freedom. k is a person deeply committed to what she believes is right. she is willing to suffer the binding reality of such duty in order to fulfill the demands of it. may her heart be ever bolstered. may her path be smooth. may she be supported by those others of us also finding their home in this tension. may she be one of the ones that follows feminism forward to its greatest implication--love as an act of freedom.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 8: Fred
why i love fred, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
image found
in 2002 i moved to the southwest. shortly before that fred had moved to the same small town. luckily, we met each other soon after we both arrived. it took a few years of interacting regularly before the two of us became friends, rather than just acquaintances. even so our having met so early in our arrival to this wonderful place meant that last year, when introducing me to another friend of his, fred described me as his "oldest friend here", meaning "known the longest", not "with the most years on her". i was so proud.
about a month ago i was retelling fred's fiance about that sense of pride i have in counting as one of fred's oldest friends here. she smiled and responded that one of the things she loves about fred is how he invests in what will last. that captured my sense of pride perfectly, and also my own good love for him. fred is someone that understands the value of longevity. he invests in what will last, whether it's good music, quality wine, stereo equipment, his truck, the town he lives in, or friendship. i feel a sense of pride in being his friend because our friendship reflects fred seeing me as a person with longevity too. i've earned my way, so to speak, into mutual appreciation with him.
one of the brilliant truths of a person with the long range view is the sense of relaxation that comes from knowing them. that is, there is no hurry. we don't have to do it all right now. because we're living for the long road, there's plenty of time, and we can slow down to enjoy it. fred has helped me come to appreciate life in the moment more readily than i did before. to really taste a good glass of wine you've gotta slow down enough to taste the way air over your tongue changes the taste of the wine, or stay open long enough to see how the first bite of the wine in your mouth is radically different from how it'll taste even a few minutes later, and then really different from how it'll taste an hour later. to really hear how good an album is you've gotta slow down for not just the 3 and a half minutes of a song, but the 3 and a half minutes over and over of every song on the entire record. and you've gotta be engrossed enough to catch when it's time to turn the record over. being so in tune means too hearing the differences that come from really good speakers, and the differences that come from listening via record rather than via digital sound. caring about these subtleties comes with loving your own sense of experience, and understanding how it's the subtle differences that have huge effect. i've learned from fred the value in visiting with a friend by just sitting down and hanging out for an hour, nothing else to do but just be there. maybe we'll share a glass of wine too. there will likely be a record playing too. but the point is the moment is lovely. let's live in it.
later this year fred is getting married. i'm lucky enough to be friends too with his fiance. she really has been this gift in my life and i am so grateful. last night i saw fred briefly and i was looking at him and thinking on how he's going to be getting married. i was overwhelmed in that moment with a sense of joy and tears simultaneously. i treasure fred's ability to revel in moments. knowing he's found someone that loves and revels, loves and revels life with him, that he can share so many moments with -- it makes me so happy. i couldn't imagine wanting more for him. there he is investing in what will last.
image foundin 2002 i moved to the southwest. shortly before that fred had moved to the same small town. luckily, we met each other soon after we both arrived. it took a few years of interacting regularly before the two of us became friends, rather than just acquaintances. even so our having met so early in our arrival to this wonderful place meant that last year, when introducing me to another friend of his, fred described me as his "oldest friend here", meaning "known the longest", not "with the most years on her". i was so proud.
about a month ago i was retelling fred's fiance about that sense of pride i have in counting as one of fred's oldest friends here. she smiled and responded that one of the things she loves about fred is how he invests in what will last. that captured my sense of pride perfectly, and also my own good love for him. fred is someone that understands the value of longevity. he invests in what will last, whether it's good music, quality wine, stereo equipment, his truck, the town he lives in, or friendship. i feel a sense of pride in being his friend because our friendship reflects fred seeing me as a person with longevity too. i've earned my way, so to speak, into mutual appreciation with him.
one of the brilliant truths of a person with the long range view is the sense of relaxation that comes from knowing them. that is, there is no hurry. we don't have to do it all right now. because we're living for the long road, there's plenty of time, and we can slow down to enjoy it. fred has helped me come to appreciate life in the moment more readily than i did before. to really taste a good glass of wine you've gotta slow down enough to taste the way air over your tongue changes the taste of the wine, or stay open long enough to see how the first bite of the wine in your mouth is radically different from how it'll taste even a few minutes later, and then really different from how it'll taste an hour later. to really hear how good an album is you've gotta slow down for not just the 3 and a half minutes of a song, but the 3 and a half minutes over and over of every song on the entire record. and you've gotta be engrossed enough to catch when it's time to turn the record over. being so in tune means too hearing the differences that come from really good speakers, and the differences that come from listening via record rather than via digital sound. caring about these subtleties comes with loving your own sense of experience, and understanding how it's the subtle differences that have huge effect. i've learned from fred the value in visiting with a friend by just sitting down and hanging out for an hour, nothing else to do but just be there. maybe we'll share a glass of wine too. there will likely be a record playing too. but the point is the moment is lovely. let's live in it.
later this year fred is getting married. i'm lucky enough to be friends too with his fiance. she really has been this gift in my life and i am so grateful. last night i saw fred briefly and i was looking at him and thinking on how he's going to be getting married. i was overwhelmed in that moment with a sense of joy and tears simultaneously. i treasure fred's ability to revel in moments. knowing he's found someone that loves and revels, loves and revels life with him, that he can share so many moments with -- it makes me so happy. i couldn't imagine wanting more for him. there he is investing in what will last.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 7: Mathematical-Archaeological Hans
why i love mathem-archeo hans, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
the fuller story is that we actually dated for around half a year, and since have stayed friends. though of course there was that whole initial awkward stage, we got over it. the even more fuller story is that we actually met online through what i'm going to call a "pen-pal" site cause that HONEST TO GOD AND GOD KNOWS I MEAN THAT is what i was using it for, but really i suppose other people do use it as a dating, and still others as a hookup site too. anyway though, hans's profile, unsurprisingly now, was funny--real tongue-in-cheek LOADED WITH PUNS sort of humor, which i have always had an appreciation for, and which, i now know, is almost excessively classic hans--and somehow it all, his profile that is, read as incredibly kind and considerate too. so i wrote him, making clear i was only looking for pen-pals, and he wrote back, happy to have a pen-pal too. but then after pen-paling for several weeks, somehow his kind hearted, intellectually inquisitive, humorous persona made me feel comfortable enough to talk on the phone with him, and then eventually, as these things go, it turned out i was comfortable enough, we decided to meet in person. and here's the real clincher of the charm, in case the clincher hasn't clinched you already--to meet for the very first time this woman he'd been pen-pals with for a while he brought homemade cookies. cookies HE'D MADE just for the occasion. and the cookies he made were all alluding to his ethnic heritage, and also slightly unusual, and also were FLOWER shaped, so that by the end of meeting him for the first time he'd done this brilliant job of illustrating all the very reasons i'd decided to be pen-pals with him to begin with, and all the reasons we decided to meet in person too-- his thoughtful, kind, slightly humorous, super smart thoughtfulness all in the guise of a cookie. cause the thing was we'd talked about ethnicity, we'd talked about baking, and it would have been inappropriate to bring flowers since it was in no way a date, but there he was bringing flower shaped cookies. so all these various levels of thoughtfulness were all right there in one considerate gesture. it's a treasure to find someone capable of such things, whatever they turn out to become in your life.
hans and i have, gratefully, kept in contact these couple of years since we dated. we were lucky enough too to share incredible grace in the process of deciding not to date anymore. when he and i stopped seeing each other i explained to a friend that the way we broke up reaffirmed all the reasons we'd dated to begin with, even if it was still going to be the end of the romantic portion of our relationship --he is a good person and he consistently shown incredible generosity both to me and my daughter, and from what i can tell with all his friends too. i've come to discover that hans is one of those people that's brilliant at staying long-term friends with people, whether they continue to stay in the same town or not, and he also consistently stays friends with ex-girlfriends--both those things say a lot about his consideration for others, AND the sense of constancy and reliability others feel from him. when my sister and niece visited a couple of years ago, hans found out that my sister and i were planning to attend an event we realized kids couldn't go to too so hans offered to baby sit. he took them to the zoo and the two kids had more fun with hans than they'd been having with their moms. no doubt. at the end of the whole thing he tried to leave without so much as a ride home, determined to hang out with the kids just because it would be a help to us, refusing anything in return. we demanded to give him a ride home anyway. this winter when he found out my daughter and i were moving back to the southwest, he arranged for a friend to help him move all our things out of storage and into our new house so that it would all be there for us before we arrived. he set up a bed so we could crash out as soon as we got here, and he put a bit of food in the fridge and a book to read in the kitchen too so we'd have necessities upon arrival. he's thoughtful like that. from hans i've learned the beauty of just slowing down to enjoy what it means to be friends with someone. i was awful focused on DOING things when we first met. i've also learned more clearly from my friendship with hans the beauty of generosity. we certainly have a reciprocal friendship, but more than anyone else i know, hans is willing to give just for the sake of giving.
also, real quick: he's totally geeky committed to his life pursuits of mathematical modeling and archaeology AND the study of interactions between humans and animals in the past via both archaeology and modeling, and something about that is just fucking great. geek-o-rama-fuck-yeah is what i have to say to that. and god knows i really mean it.
the fuller story is that we actually dated for around half a year, and since have stayed friends. though of course there was that whole initial awkward stage, we got over it. the even more fuller story is that we actually met online through what i'm going to call a "pen-pal" site cause that HONEST TO GOD AND GOD KNOWS I MEAN THAT is what i was using it for, but really i suppose other people do use it as a dating, and still others as a hookup site too. anyway though, hans's profile, unsurprisingly now, was funny--real tongue-in-cheek LOADED WITH PUNS sort of humor, which i have always had an appreciation for, and which, i now know, is almost excessively classic hans--and somehow it all, his profile that is, read as incredibly kind and considerate too. so i wrote him, making clear i was only looking for pen-pals, and he wrote back, happy to have a pen-pal too. but then after pen-paling for several weeks, somehow his kind hearted, intellectually inquisitive, humorous persona made me feel comfortable enough to talk on the phone with him, and then eventually, as these things go, it turned out i was comfortable enough, we decided to meet in person. and here's the real clincher of the charm, in case the clincher hasn't clinched you already--to meet for the very first time this woman he'd been pen-pals with for a while he brought homemade cookies. cookies HE'D MADE just for the occasion. and the cookies he made were all alluding to his ethnic heritage, and also slightly unusual, and also were FLOWER shaped, so that by the end of meeting him for the first time he'd done this brilliant job of illustrating all the very reasons i'd decided to be pen-pals with him to begin with, and all the reasons we decided to meet in person too-- his thoughtful, kind, slightly humorous, super smart thoughtfulness all in the guise of a cookie. cause the thing was we'd talked about ethnicity, we'd talked about baking, and it would have been inappropriate to bring flowers since it was in no way a date, but there he was bringing flower shaped cookies. so all these various levels of thoughtfulness were all right there in one considerate gesture. it's a treasure to find someone capable of such things, whatever they turn out to become in your life.
hans and i have, gratefully, kept in contact these couple of years since we dated. we were lucky enough too to share incredible grace in the process of deciding not to date anymore. when he and i stopped seeing each other i explained to a friend that the way we broke up reaffirmed all the reasons we'd dated to begin with, even if it was still going to be the end of the romantic portion of our relationship --he is a good person and he consistently shown incredible generosity both to me and my daughter, and from what i can tell with all his friends too. i've come to discover that hans is one of those people that's brilliant at staying long-term friends with people, whether they continue to stay in the same town or not, and he also consistently stays friends with ex-girlfriends--both those things say a lot about his consideration for others, AND the sense of constancy and reliability others feel from him. when my sister and niece visited a couple of years ago, hans found out that my sister and i were planning to attend an event we realized kids couldn't go to too so hans offered to baby sit. he took them to the zoo and the two kids had more fun with hans than they'd been having with their moms. no doubt. at the end of the whole thing he tried to leave without so much as a ride home, determined to hang out with the kids just because it would be a help to us, refusing anything in return. we demanded to give him a ride home anyway. this winter when he found out my daughter and i were moving back to the southwest, he arranged for a friend to help him move all our things out of storage and into our new house so that it would all be there for us before we arrived. he set up a bed so we could crash out as soon as we got here, and he put a bit of food in the fridge and a book to read in the kitchen too so we'd have necessities upon arrival. he's thoughtful like that. from hans i've learned the beauty of just slowing down to enjoy what it means to be friends with someone. i was awful focused on DOING things when we first met. i've also learned more clearly from my friendship with hans the beauty of generosity. we certainly have a reciprocal friendship, but more than anyone else i know, hans is willing to give just for the sake of giving.
also, real quick: he's totally geeky committed to his life pursuits of mathematical modeling and archaeology AND the study of interactions between humans and animals in the past via both archaeology and modeling, and something about that is just fucking great. geek-o-rama-fuck-yeah is what i have to say to that. and god knows i really mean it.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 6: Becky
why i love becky, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
image found
YEARS ago i lived in santa cruz, california and through a friend of a friend got to meet red haired, huge smiling, considerate becky. she was about the same age as my parents, and later in the same year when she met them she loved them just as immediately and warmly as she'd loved me. by the end of that year she liked to refer to me as another daughter, and a full year later when i had my own daughter she took to calling my girl her grand daughter. people would ask becky, "how many grandchildren do you have?" and she'd readily respond, "two! one boy from my daughter Am--, and one from my daughter lily-elaine hawk wakawaka." (she didn't really call me all that, but you get the idea.) when my girl was born we'd drive into the redwoods to becky's house pretty regularly. becky enjoyed having us and in fact enjoyed it so much she had a special deck made at the front of her house to block off a potential death pit on the side of a hill, and to offer what was essentially an extra large play pen for the girl-girl. she had the deck made out of recycled plastic boards, not just for the green-factor, but also because that meant no splinters for little ones. soon after the deck was finished my daughter and i actually moved out of california. it was five years before we got to see becky again but she kept in contact with us that whole time, kept calling my girl her granddaughter, and held on to a handmade stuffed rabbit she'd bought for her honorary granddaughter just before we moved. she held onto it that entire five years until the girl and i were finally able to take a drive to santa cruz, right into those redwoods to becky's house. when we arrived the first thing she did, after greeting us, was point to "Rachel's Deck" telling my girl the story of why it was made, and then hand my girl her five-year old bunny. having becky in my life has been one of the richest relationships i've ever had. we're able to share a fullness in conversation that i always treasure with people but rarely find. we can move from laughing over the most mundane little details to discussing the lived reality of an immense sense of love and gratefulness she feels in the current phase of her life. two different times i've been able to visit becky with a friend in tow. both times she's extended incredible hospitality to them instantly. the first of those two times was with my dear friend shiloh. becky was instantly open hearted towards shiloh, willing to embrace her simply because i presented her as my friend. when shiloh unfortunately fell ill during our visit, becky went out of her way to make sure shiloh had foods, health products, and the rest she'd need to recover comfortably. she still adores my parents and asks after them regularly, even without now having seen them since even longer back than she went without seeing me. she dedicated to what she values in that kind of long term way. having becky in my daughter's life has brought a further depth to her life too. becky is wonderful at simply loving my girl for who she is -- connecting to her with a kind of well-felt joy, silliness of expression, and appreciation of friendship. in becky bringing that to her connection with my daughter, becky has helped teach my daughter how to live in that brilliant combination of care and feeling too. i've been blessed with my own good parents, of course. but i'm grateful too for how i've been blessed to find that magical combination of friend and parent-like figure in my life with others as well. in this combination with becky i've found a sense of being able to experience my own truer self through her willingness to see me in that trueness too. with her i've been able to live in a kind of honesty and integrity that depends upon others being willing to receive and live in such traits too. she has blessed me with her friendship and is so good at expressing to me the gratefulness she feels for our connection. i've learned from her how to be open in such things. i am grateful that i get to be one of the people in becky's life that shares an intimacy with her that means i get to know her so well.
YEARS ago i lived in santa cruz, california and through a friend of a friend got to meet red haired, huge smiling, considerate becky. she was about the same age as my parents, and later in the same year when she met them she loved them just as immediately and warmly as she'd loved me. by the end of that year she liked to refer to me as another daughter, and a full year later when i had my own daughter she took to calling my girl her grand daughter. people would ask becky, "how many grandchildren do you have?" and she'd readily respond, "two! one boy from my daughter Am--, and one from my daughter lily-elaine hawk wakawaka." (she didn't really call me all that, but you get the idea.) when my girl was born we'd drive into the redwoods to becky's house pretty regularly. becky enjoyed having us and in fact enjoyed it so much she had a special deck made at the front of her house to block off a potential death pit on the side of a hill, and to offer what was essentially an extra large play pen for the girl-girl. she had the deck made out of recycled plastic boards, not just for the green-factor, but also because that meant no splinters for little ones. soon after the deck was finished my daughter and i actually moved out of california. it was five years before we got to see becky again but she kept in contact with us that whole time, kept calling my girl her granddaughter, and held on to a handmade stuffed rabbit she'd bought for her honorary granddaughter just before we moved. she held onto it that entire five years until the girl and i were finally able to take a drive to santa cruz, right into those redwoods to becky's house. when we arrived the first thing she did, after greeting us, was point to "Rachel's Deck" telling my girl the story of why it was made, and then hand my girl her five-year old bunny. having becky in my life has been one of the richest relationships i've ever had. we're able to share a fullness in conversation that i always treasure with people but rarely find. we can move from laughing over the most mundane little details to discussing the lived reality of an immense sense of love and gratefulness she feels in the current phase of her life. two different times i've been able to visit becky with a friend in tow. both times she's extended incredible hospitality to them instantly. the first of those two times was with my dear friend shiloh. becky was instantly open hearted towards shiloh, willing to embrace her simply because i presented her as my friend. when shiloh unfortunately fell ill during our visit, becky went out of her way to make sure shiloh had foods, health products, and the rest she'd need to recover comfortably. she still adores my parents and asks after them regularly, even without now having seen them since even longer back than she went without seeing me. she dedicated to what she values in that kind of long term way. having becky in my daughter's life has brought a further depth to her life too. becky is wonderful at simply loving my girl for who she is -- connecting to her with a kind of well-felt joy, silliness of expression, and appreciation of friendship. in becky bringing that to her connection with my daughter, becky has helped teach my daughter how to live in that brilliant combination of care and feeling too. i've been blessed with my own good parents, of course. but i'm grateful too for how i've been blessed to find that magical combination of friend and parent-like figure in my life with others as well. in this combination with becky i've found a sense of being able to experience my own truer self through her willingness to see me in that trueness too. with her i've been able to live in a kind of honesty and integrity that depends upon others being willing to receive and live in such traits too. she has blessed me with her friendship and is so good at expressing to me the gratefulness she feels for our connection. i've learned from her how to be open in such things. i am grateful that i get to be one of the people in becky's life that shares an intimacy with her that means i get to know her so well.
Monday, July 4, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 5: Ahimsa
why i love ahimsa timoteo bodhrán, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
image found
image foundin 2005 i visited a graduate program in the great lakes region as a guest in a graduate students of color weekend conference a university was organizing. the conference was designed to recruit potential-graduate students to join their university by matching them up with top professors at the university and top graduate students at the university. truth be told, it was a deeply bolstering and simultaneously awkward experience for me. i was there as the only native american potential-graduate student. the reality of being native american is that because we are radically under represented in the community at large even very race-conscious people often have misconceptions about what being native american will look like or mean experientially. i appeared at the conference as a person of color, but one that, in comparison to other students there, readily passed. the result of this on an experiential level was that as included as i was i also felt marginalized within this already marginalized collection of people. i wouldn't claim anyone intended me to feel that way. it's just a reality any of us sometimes face. let me be clear too that anyone that's got their shit together is gonna recognize i AM a person of color, without doubt, and they're gonna rock it with me on the reality of my alaska native background. it's just sometimes any of us get caught thinking this stuff has to do with appearances rather than soul. in the middle of this conference i found myself talking to a brother with the deepest soul of anyone i've ever met. ahimsa has gifted me with fierce support, deep and rich certainty of his own social understanding, a profound commitment to community, and intense compassion for those of us that, like him, are mixed into the complex reality of ethnic-racial-sexual-gendered-class love. this world is a rough world that demands a lot of us and ahimsa daily acts to make the love good.
on the second day of the conference ahimsa somehow saw me in the midst of my struggle--affirmed for being part of this conference specifically dedicated to we students of color going into graduate programs, and out of place for my identity at the same time. he responded to what he saw by asking if i'd like to go out after the conference for dialogue. we talked for hours that night, not just about the topics of the conference or graduate school but also about our lives, where we came from, what we liked to read, what we were passionate about, how to get along in this crazy world, and where in the world i'd found my ultra-bling vintage clip on eisenberg ice earrings. it was five years before i saw ahimsa again face to face but we spent that five years emailing, skype talking, and conversing over the phone too. last year he organized a panel that would coalesce the broad range of our shared interests -- examination of our indigenous roots, philosophical consideration of contemporary culture, and poetic commitment through writing and thought. the panel was accepted and we met again at the largest annual creative writing conference in the world. in being part of that panel that ahimsa organized i have also been blessed with connections to other writers with similarly mixed backgrounds and interests.
ahimsa has regularly strived to connect those around him with others that can offer existential support. he shares with me too an understanding of god's love in the midst of our difficult lives. when multiple friends of mine committed suicide in the same year he reached out to commune with me in my grief and sent me a book he thought might help ease the burden. this fall when i was struggling with the environment i was living in he first asked me to speak honestly to him, and then asked if he could speak honestly back to me about what he'd heard in what i'd said. it was through his insight i realized i could choose for my own sake what was right for me, removed from the pressures of success, outside influence, and worldly demands. in the midst of his own challenges he has shown himself an example of how important it is to do simple things like eat fruit, buy fresh foods to cook yourself, stay connected to loved ones, keep writing, send out publications regularly, and strive to take the skills you can rely on to reach for even greater goals. though i've known a lot of writers, ahimsa has more publications (and largely international too) than anyone else i can think of. he's brilliantly leveraged those publications into building a new life for himself as a writer in residence at numerous top writing programs around north america. i am regularly thrilled to hear how he is doing--whether it is in the middle of his own personal reflections and struggles, or in the midst of his most productive writing stretches. i am ever grateful for my on going friendship with ahimsa, and for the example he gives of living a life of productivity, simplicity, creativity, grace and love.
on the second day of the conference ahimsa somehow saw me in the midst of my struggle--affirmed for being part of this conference specifically dedicated to we students of color going into graduate programs, and out of place for my identity at the same time. he responded to what he saw by asking if i'd like to go out after the conference for dialogue. we talked for hours that night, not just about the topics of the conference or graduate school but also about our lives, where we came from, what we liked to read, what we were passionate about, how to get along in this crazy world, and where in the world i'd found my ultra-bling vintage clip on eisenberg ice earrings. it was five years before i saw ahimsa again face to face but we spent that five years emailing, skype talking, and conversing over the phone too. last year he organized a panel that would coalesce the broad range of our shared interests -- examination of our indigenous roots, philosophical consideration of contemporary culture, and poetic commitment through writing and thought. the panel was accepted and we met again at the largest annual creative writing conference in the world. in being part of that panel that ahimsa organized i have also been blessed with connections to other writers with similarly mixed backgrounds and interests.
ahimsa has regularly strived to connect those around him with others that can offer existential support. he shares with me too an understanding of god's love in the midst of our difficult lives. when multiple friends of mine committed suicide in the same year he reached out to commune with me in my grief and sent me a book he thought might help ease the burden. this fall when i was struggling with the environment i was living in he first asked me to speak honestly to him, and then asked if he could speak honestly back to me about what he'd heard in what i'd said. it was through his insight i realized i could choose for my own sake what was right for me, removed from the pressures of success, outside influence, and worldly demands. in the midst of his own challenges he has shown himself an example of how important it is to do simple things like eat fruit, buy fresh foods to cook yourself, stay connected to loved ones, keep writing, send out publications regularly, and strive to take the skills you can rely on to reach for even greater goals. though i've known a lot of writers, ahimsa has more publications (and largely international too) than anyone else i can think of. he's brilliantly leveraged those publications into building a new life for himself as a writer in residence at numerous top writing programs around north america. i am regularly thrilled to hear how he is doing--whether it is in the middle of his own personal reflections and struggles, or in the midst of his most productive writing stretches. i am ever grateful for my on going friendship with ahimsa, and for the example he gives of living a life of productivity, simplicity, creativity, grace and love.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 4: Josef Rivers
why i love josef rivers, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
in my early 20's i was lucky enough to find my way to santa cruz, california, where i lived for five years. shortly after arriving to the ocean side town i met a man that owned a ranch of exotic animals. we got along immediately and a week or so later he asked if i'd volunteer for his animal therapy program, helping to provide animal therapy for people with physical disabilities, and keep the program running through whatever else was needed--working with students, training animals, doing ranch maintanence, cleaning out dead rat bodies (sometimes ranches, afterall, get dead rats--all that tasty food for all the animals, you see), feeding the livestock, and even helping deliver animal babies. he needed help with all those things but at the time more specifically what he needed was someone that could help train the camels. most people were just afraid of them, you see. and josef saw in me someone that was willing to help whether i was scared or not. all i knew was that if he asked, i was going to follow through. i believed in him and what he was doing that clearly. whatever it was he saw in me, him giving me the opportunity to volunteer and do whatever the program needed, whether i was scared or not, changed my life. a little before moving to santa cruz i'd decided that college wasn't what i wanted. i wasn't clear enough in a program of study to pay so much money for ambling around through whatever courses i wanted to take. so i stopped enrolling in university and set off down the road looking for learning in other ways. when i arrived at josef's ranch, then, i was open to learning through alternative means, and also looking for a clearer sense of what i valued. josef directs his entire life at helping people recognize how incredibly capable they are, and how independent they can be. he works with those very people that society tends to tell again and again that they are not capable, or are not independent -- people with tourettes, m.s., cerebral palsy, post-polio syndrome, paralysis, and any other conditions that we tend to think of as creating physical limitations. if they're willing to try, he's willing to work with them for free. during my time there i met a woman who had severe enough physical limitation she slept each night in her wheel chair with her head in a dresser drawer she pulled out and put a pillow in. it was easier than getting into bed. still, over the several decades she'd been working with josef she'd come to recognize she loved working with horses. so, she owned five acres and five horses, each of which she trained and drove in horse carriage herself. i befriended another woman that was losing her ability to walk due to m.s. soon after she started taking lessons at the ranch we discovered that she is a brilliant cat or bird trainer that can take previously feral animals and transform them into circus performers. i worked with a boy that had tourettes syndrome and was told he shouldn't expect to be able to control his ticks and would just have to put up with people being uncomfortable over his growling (that was likely to eventually grow into cussing). during the hour we spent chasing mice twice a week and throwing hay bails in the barn to find the mice he never once growled (or cussed) or jerked or otherwise expressed any of those ticks associated with his form of tourettes. he controlled it completely during his time at the ranch, thus learning he could choose when to express the ticks, at least some of the time. after a couple of years of working at the ranch i realized that josef's entire life is an expression of love and of faith. he understands that if a person is willing to try, they are willing too to become their own best self. in giving me the opportunity to dig ditches to redirect winter flooding or bury unexpectedly dead animals; to drag hay bails through knee deep mud to get the hoof stock at the back of the ranch fed; to overcome my own disgust over dead rat bodies, and piles of bird poop that had to be cleaned; to slow down enough to recognize when an animal was thinking about bolting (which i had to learn to recognize in order to read the animals well enough to keep students safe); to anticipate a need for a student before the student had to bother wasting the energy to express that need; to incubate tortoise eggs so the tortoise little ones could be sold to raise money for the ranch; to walk beside student horses in horse shows; to train a camel, that at the start had never been touched, all the way to riding its back through the redwood forest -- what josef gave me in all these experiences was not just a world of wonders, but the gift of living in the world of his completely dedicated heart. josef taught me that love is much more than a feeling. love breathes itself into each of us through the simplest moments. through working at the ranch i learned the necessity of imagining my way into the needs of others -- a person in a wheel chair can't simply bend over and pick something up off the ground -- the end of the garden hose must be left atop the garden fence for easy watering, not on the ground; plants in the garden must be trimmed to stand about my-hip height, so that students in wheel chairs can enjoy the pleasures of all that bloom and color, rather than just a mass of green in front of them--my-hip height is their head height in a wheel chair; walking a slow and steady pace and keeping a regular rhythm to my breath keeps not only the animals calm, but me as well so we can all respond to each other a little easier; if i wear sturdy pants and a plain t-shirt no one will be distracted by my attire, and i will be less likely to cut my skin while working; if i keep a spare set of clothing in the car i won't be afraid to keep working when it starts to rain; if my boots fit properly the first time i can go through that knee deep mud and get the animals fed a lot faster, thus making more time to help the students and other animals too.... love shows itself through little decisions. it is in these decisions and moments that we show we have the care to choose for our own sake what is also best for others. it is in the completely pragmatic, day to day practice of how we act, what we choose to do, what we are prepared (both in our hearts, and with the spare clothing we've packed in the car) to do with others... that we express such care. josef taught me that the simple every day is the ground in which love can find the opportunity to bloom. (whether your everyday is the magical world of an exotic animal ranch, or the magical world of your one bedroom apartment and office job.)
in my early 20's i was lucky enough to find my way to santa cruz, california, where i lived for five years. shortly after arriving to the ocean side town i met a man that owned a ranch of exotic animals. we got along immediately and a week or so later he asked if i'd volunteer for his animal therapy program, helping to provide animal therapy for people with physical disabilities, and keep the program running through whatever else was needed--working with students, training animals, doing ranch maintanence, cleaning out dead rat bodies (sometimes ranches, afterall, get dead rats--all that tasty food for all the animals, you see), feeding the livestock, and even helping deliver animal babies. he needed help with all those things but at the time more specifically what he needed was someone that could help train the camels. most people were just afraid of them, you see. and josef saw in me someone that was willing to help whether i was scared or not. all i knew was that if he asked, i was going to follow through. i believed in him and what he was doing that clearly. whatever it was he saw in me, him giving me the opportunity to volunteer and do whatever the program needed, whether i was scared or not, changed my life. a little before moving to santa cruz i'd decided that college wasn't what i wanted. i wasn't clear enough in a program of study to pay so much money for ambling around through whatever courses i wanted to take. so i stopped enrolling in university and set off down the road looking for learning in other ways. when i arrived at josef's ranch, then, i was open to learning through alternative means, and also looking for a clearer sense of what i valued. josef directs his entire life at helping people recognize how incredibly capable they are, and how independent they can be. he works with those very people that society tends to tell again and again that they are not capable, or are not independent -- people with tourettes, m.s., cerebral palsy, post-polio syndrome, paralysis, and any other conditions that we tend to think of as creating physical limitations. if they're willing to try, he's willing to work with them for free. during my time there i met a woman who had severe enough physical limitation she slept each night in her wheel chair with her head in a dresser drawer she pulled out and put a pillow in. it was easier than getting into bed. still, over the several decades she'd been working with josef she'd come to recognize she loved working with horses. so, she owned five acres and five horses, each of which she trained and drove in horse carriage herself. i befriended another woman that was losing her ability to walk due to m.s. soon after she started taking lessons at the ranch we discovered that she is a brilliant cat or bird trainer that can take previously feral animals and transform them into circus performers. i worked with a boy that had tourettes syndrome and was told he shouldn't expect to be able to control his ticks and would just have to put up with people being uncomfortable over his growling (that was likely to eventually grow into cussing). during the hour we spent chasing mice twice a week and throwing hay bails in the barn to find the mice he never once growled (or cussed) or jerked or otherwise expressed any of those ticks associated with his form of tourettes. he controlled it completely during his time at the ranch, thus learning he could choose when to express the ticks, at least some of the time. after a couple of years of working at the ranch i realized that josef's entire life is an expression of love and of faith. he understands that if a person is willing to try, they are willing too to become their own best self. in giving me the opportunity to dig ditches to redirect winter flooding or bury unexpectedly dead animals; to drag hay bails through knee deep mud to get the hoof stock at the back of the ranch fed; to overcome my own disgust over dead rat bodies, and piles of bird poop that had to be cleaned; to slow down enough to recognize when an animal was thinking about bolting (which i had to learn to recognize in order to read the animals well enough to keep students safe); to anticipate a need for a student before the student had to bother wasting the energy to express that need; to incubate tortoise eggs so the tortoise little ones could be sold to raise money for the ranch; to walk beside student horses in horse shows; to train a camel, that at the start had never been touched, all the way to riding its back through the redwood forest -- what josef gave me in all these experiences was not just a world of wonders, but the gift of living in the world of his completely dedicated heart. josef taught me that love is much more than a feeling. love breathes itself into each of us through the simplest moments. through working at the ranch i learned the necessity of imagining my way into the needs of others -- a person in a wheel chair can't simply bend over and pick something up off the ground -- the end of the garden hose must be left atop the garden fence for easy watering, not on the ground; plants in the garden must be trimmed to stand about my-hip height, so that students in wheel chairs can enjoy the pleasures of all that bloom and color, rather than just a mass of green in front of them--my-hip height is their head height in a wheel chair; walking a slow and steady pace and keeping a regular rhythm to my breath keeps not only the animals calm, but me as well so we can all respond to each other a little easier; if i wear sturdy pants and a plain t-shirt no one will be distracted by my attire, and i will be less likely to cut my skin while working; if i keep a spare set of clothing in the car i won't be afraid to keep working when it starts to rain; if my boots fit properly the first time i can go through that knee deep mud and get the animals fed a lot faster, thus making more time to help the students and other animals too.... love shows itself through little decisions. it is in these decisions and moments that we show we have the care to choose for our own sake what is also best for others. it is in the completely pragmatic, day to day practice of how we act, what we choose to do, what we are prepared (both in our hearts, and with the spare clothing we've packed in the car) to do with others... that we express such care. josef taught me that the simple every day is the ground in which love can find the opportunity to bloom. (whether your everyday is the magical world of an exotic animal ranch, or the magical world of your one bedroom apartment and office job.)
Saturday, July 2, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 3: My Momma
why i love my momma, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
image found
the truth is, as any of us know since all of us were born to mommas, that it can be hard to love your momma. but then you can't help but love them either. even in those moments when loving them is the last thing you wanna do. bell hooks writes in her book COMMUNION about how part of the trouble of life under patriarchy is that women expect not to really be loved cause women are portrayed so badly in such a culture, and the love their looking for, on top of that first problem, isn't genuine love at all but instead a kind of being-owned, or constrained. bell hooks discusses in her text how women might face such a challenge and over come it to experience instead a love that is simultaneously a form of freedom in commitment. i was raised by the fiercest woman i've ever known. she epitomizes the notion of woman warrior--mother protector and i am forever grateful for it. she taught me that truth be told, bell hooks is right and in the midst of that i was to be protected and protect myself too and that in these basic ways i deserved only to be treated with respect. i've had my own challenges to face. but the fierce-protective earnestness of my mother gave me my first foundation to face those challenges, to be bigger than them, to demand more of myself in the midst of them. she taught me that women can be strong and that no matter what anyone else thought it meant to be a woman, i could choose for my own damn self. somehow she instilled in me the sense that i am to be respected the second i walk in the room. i am not to be messed with. i am to be regarded. i have had to go on to learn how to have my own softer heart. but even there she gave me clues. she loves children and animals and quiet moments more clearly than anyone else i've ever met. she showed me how to protect myself so that in the middle i can have that tender heart. and she also taught me the delicate balance that i can look damn good in a dress, then later, after we get home from church followed by pastries, or from a wedding followed by a glass of wine, i can take off the dress and look damn good in a pair of jeans too.
image foundthe truth is, as any of us know since all of us were born to mommas, that it can be hard to love your momma. but then you can't help but love them either. even in those moments when loving them is the last thing you wanna do. bell hooks writes in her book COMMUNION about how part of the trouble of life under patriarchy is that women expect not to really be loved cause women are portrayed so badly in such a culture, and the love their looking for, on top of that first problem, isn't genuine love at all but instead a kind of being-owned, or constrained. bell hooks discusses in her text how women might face such a challenge and over come it to experience instead a love that is simultaneously a form of freedom in commitment. i was raised by the fiercest woman i've ever known. she epitomizes the notion of woman warrior--mother protector and i am forever grateful for it. she taught me that truth be told, bell hooks is right and in the midst of that i was to be protected and protect myself too and that in these basic ways i deserved only to be treated with respect. i've had my own challenges to face. but the fierce-protective earnestness of my mother gave me my first foundation to face those challenges, to be bigger than them, to demand more of myself in the midst of them. she taught me that women can be strong and that no matter what anyone else thought it meant to be a woman, i could choose for my own damn self. somehow she instilled in me the sense that i am to be respected the second i walk in the room. i am not to be messed with. i am to be regarded. i have had to go on to learn how to have my own softer heart. but even there she gave me clues. she loves children and animals and quiet moments more clearly than anyone else i've ever met. she showed me how to protect myself so that in the middle i can have that tender heart. and she also taught me the delicate balance that i can look damn good in a dress, then later, after we get home from church followed by pastries, or from a wedding followed by a glass of wine, i can take off the dress and look damn good in a pair of jeans too.
Friday, July 1, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 2: Agathos Kate
why i love agathos kate (a pseudonym), by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
YSL exhibit photo, from the retrospective as it appeared in SF
image from the SF Guardian
years ago yves saint-laurent had just died and the retrospective exhibit of all his work was just about to open in montreal. it was sad. very sad. and so we went together once it actually opened, we two--agathos kate, and me--and walked in silence through the exhibit. we were moved and stunned and inspired by the displays--the clothes, the colors, the crazy shapes, and the hats. ysl has hats. kate LOVES hats. she is the only other person i know that loves hats and will wear them and will go to an event specifically for the hat it means she gets to wear. i love hats too but how many people (in north america) do anymore these days. when will and kate announced their engagement, my kate was happy to know another spokesperson for such things would be alive and out showcasing them in the world. if i'm heart broken she is listening. and usually sad or angry for me too. if i'm dating some man she is skeptical and talking with him and probably shining a little dirty eye at him every once in a while when she doesn't believe he's quite the right match for me, but she'll have a good conversation and tease us about making out anyway. she likes dresses. she has long legs. she's good at biking and owns fixed gear bicycles and SHE LIVES ON TOP OF A HILL so you know those long legs are lucious. she reminds me, if i'm sad, to get those pink boots out of their box and put them on. and then she reminds me to put on that purple lipstick. and then she reminds me really what will make me feel better is dressing up and playing a little bit. i've laughed harder than i can explain over nothing i'll ever remember with kate, and i don't remember what we laughed at because it wasn't anything really. we were just side by side in the car and that means we were having a damn good time. the first time she came to visit me here in arizona she was so happy over how warm it was, when there in montreal it was still winter. and out of her bag came montreal bagels, montreal croissant, montreal chocolatine, and montreal chocolates. the first thing we did was go to buy her a pinkish-dust colored cowboy hat and as she said recently, "damn that hat is sexy." we've gone two years before without seeing each other. i honestly hope we never do that again. but at the end of the two years there we were again calm, and happy, and comfortable and at home with each other. and that's a lot.
YSL exhibit photo, from the retrospective as it appeared in SFimage from the SF Guardian
years ago yves saint-laurent had just died and the retrospective exhibit of all his work was just about to open in montreal. it was sad. very sad. and so we went together once it actually opened, we two--agathos kate, and me--and walked in silence through the exhibit. we were moved and stunned and inspired by the displays--the clothes, the colors, the crazy shapes, and the hats. ysl has hats. kate LOVES hats. she is the only other person i know that loves hats and will wear them and will go to an event specifically for the hat it means she gets to wear. i love hats too but how many people (in north america) do anymore these days. when will and kate announced their engagement, my kate was happy to know another spokesperson for such things would be alive and out showcasing them in the world. if i'm heart broken she is listening. and usually sad or angry for me too. if i'm dating some man she is skeptical and talking with him and probably shining a little dirty eye at him every once in a while when she doesn't believe he's quite the right match for me, but she'll have a good conversation and tease us about making out anyway. she likes dresses. she has long legs. she's good at biking and owns fixed gear bicycles and SHE LIVES ON TOP OF A HILL so you know those long legs are lucious. she reminds me, if i'm sad, to get those pink boots out of their box and put them on. and then she reminds me to put on that purple lipstick. and then she reminds me really what will make me feel better is dressing up and playing a little bit. i've laughed harder than i can explain over nothing i'll ever remember with kate, and i don't remember what we laughed at because it wasn't anything really. we were just side by side in the car and that means we were having a damn good time. the first time she came to visit me here in arizona she was so happy over how warm it was, when there in montreal it was still winter. and out of her bag came montreal bagels, montreal croissant, montreal chocolatine, and montreal chocolates. the first thing we did was go to buy her a pinkish-dust colored cowboy hat and as she said recently, "damn that hat is sexy." we've gone two years before without seeing each other. i honestly hope we never do that again. but at the end of the two years there we were again calm, and happy, and comfortable and at home with each other. and that's a lot.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
30 Day: Why I Love Day 1: Kittee Hussein Isacat
reasons i love kittee hussein isacat, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
years ago i found myself in a financial crisis and in the midst of it as a total surprise received a box full of heart warming gifts from best bb beloveds. one of the treasures of the box was a collection of baked goods from the beautiful venerable kittee hussein isacat. the one i remember best was a mini-bundt spice cake with chocolate chips and ginger, i think. another time when i was in more of a state of personal crisis (though not the sort in which you poop your pants and walk around in it having forgotten what to do in such a situation) she did prayers and wishes and rituals for me, sending me blessings through the ethers to help smooth the path and move me forward. kittee's blessings are some of the most powerful there are. my path was smoothed. my heart was brightened. i know i have gotten to where i am today partly through her most powerful wishing for my good. kittee knows the need for a base coat beneath your red nail polish. she knows the incredible gift of red nail polish. and of other colors too. she knows why it is important to put on lipstick. and then at other times to not. she has almost viciously, luciously curly hair. she has chickens. she goes out in search of plums for them. PLUMS! FOR HER CHICKENS! did i mention she has chickens? and her own dear house. with its own dear yard. and its own animal loves that visit the yard. she loves with an incredible heart. those that know her are lucky to catch the pulse of this love even through quick visions as told by her stories. she has chosen a beautiful life for herself. she likes bright colors. she strums the ukulele and imagines writing songs about stabbing people and then loving them back to health again but stabbing them only in her imagination because something about that imagining is honest and good and healing for us all. she knows the power of a 4-inch high, high heel with a 2-inch platform, and why it is important, when it comes to shoes, to have the right pair of pumps. she looks fantastic in things like pencil skirts and that whole 50's style. she likes cute shoes. she rocks it in cute shoes. she's got the fiercest walk i've ever seen, whether she's wearing heels or not. even i haven't seen her in person in several years now, she is a clear image in my mind's eye that i take around with me for inspiration. she loves good smelly lavender. she loves tea. she loves her friends. she deserves so much good love. she is lovely. she is love. she is loved. amen.
Why I Love, A New 30-Day Blog Challenge, by lily-elaine hawk wakawaka
I've been dwelling this last week on the question of what I will do here on this blog to keep a focus after having completed first the 30-day song challenge, and then the 30-day iconic photo challenge I constructed for myself.
My friend Paul gave me the inspiration. I will post each day a "Why I love" reflection on a different person I'm lucky enough to have in my life.
Day 1 coming up straight away on my dear friend Kittee Hussein Isacat (a psuedonym).
(this whole 30 day exercise dedicated to Paul)
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