The Rooftop Bar Personality Test: Installment 3

Here are the results of your personality test!

Narcisse, 97, de la Commune Est

"wasted potential." --Mae

View Larger Map

The Question:
Imagine It: You're stuck on a rooftop bar for the rest of your life with two friends, and one type of drink. Where's the bar, who are the friends, and what is the drink you choose?

The Bar You Selected:
You dream of a life of spontaneous joy in which you fall in love with a handsome stranger when you least expect it, and spend the rest of your life happily in love, but you reliably choose just the wrong place. That is, you live your life going to the places where your dreams could almost come true, but that don’t quite have enough of the verve and enthusiasm necessary to make your imaginary life a reality. It isn’t necessary that you sabotage your goals, but you’re not quite ready to accept responsibility for them. It’s important for you to realize that you’ve brought together all of the appropriate ingredients, you just need to learn how to mix them. To do that, it’s okay to ask others for help in developing the right recipe. When you accept that asking for help and advice is actually good for you, you’ll be well on your way to living the life you dream about.

The Drink You Selected:
Though the drinks you select promise to be good, and all the ingredients are there, the taste falls short, and the price is a touch too high.

The Rooftop Bar Review:
The Cosmopolitan
They only make the cosmo with grand marnier, but the taste doesn’t measure up to the promise, and the price is a couple dollars higher than other locales. Also, there was sugar on the cosmo rim, a subtle misunderstanding of the point of drinking a cosmo. It’s not that a lady wants a sweet drink, it’s that she wants a vibrant one.

The Worst Drink on the Menu--Gin Martini
When a place doesn’t have a bad drink menu, you’ve gotta order what comes to mind when the waiter appears. Luis ordered the gin martini for this reason, but was given a gin & tonic.

The Open Palate--Scotch & Soda
This bar doesn’t serve Chivas, and doesn’t tell you what kind of scotch you’re getting either. The soda on the side turned out to be tonic.

The Guest Reviewer: Mae--Beer on Tap
Turns out there’s only one beer on tap. So Mae ordered a Kronenberg blond.

Ratings

• No flags.
  
• Drunkenness danger factor--moderate drunken danger on accessibility since the approach is entirely inside, but at the top of a steep set of stairs; high drunk danger factor on the bathroom since it's at the top of steep stairs, and stinks (thus exposing you unnecessarily to higher potential hurl level).
• The Paper Grade: B-
• The Appropriate Guest: Luis's Father, with all his faults
• The Narrative: Patrick Swayze walks up at the end of Dirty Dancing and announces, “No one puts baby in the corner.” Then grabs Francis and spins her into a dramatic climactic dance scene that causes everyone to defrock from their conservative, closed-minded ways and join in the salsa rhythm. Now, imagine Patrick Swayze, in his younger dancing days walks up to your table, the music is playing, and there’s plenty of room for dancing. In other words, all the ingredients for a superb dance fiesta are there, and you're expecting to sore on the imagined wings of Swayze's strong upright arms as he holds you aloft above his head. Now, imagine, Swayze announces, “No body puts baby in the corner” but your family doesn’t actually let you get up to dance.
• The Guest Review: The Analogous Movie Type: The cheesy romantic comedy; would be the perfect place if you could return for breakfast.

How to Get There:
To get to the bar, enter on the water side of rue de la Commune, just passed rue St-Gabriel, directly across from the port. Take the elevator up to the sixth floor, then turn right, and right again in the halls till you find a door that says "Narcisse Terasse." After wandering the halls in such a manner, the door will lead you to a full and steep flight of stairs to the roof. Definitely use the bathroom before you get drunk, since it’s at the top of the stairs in a place that makes falling a drunken possibility, not to mention the smell could make your drunken tummy wretch. The view is low since it’s on the downhill side of the Old Port, but situated across from the water you get a privileged view of Habitat 67, the Casino, and the tug boats. The tables are close together in a way that means you feel as though you're there with people you don't know. In this way it's set up more like a restaurant than a bar, and in fact a full menu is trucked up the stairs from Narcisse Restaurant on the first floor. The location is popular enough with tourists you’re likely to wait a bit too long for service. There is no music, and the waiters seem to pride themselves on their fine-tuned ability to be brusque but not rude.

The Rooftop Bar Personality Test: Installment 2

Here are the results of your Personality Test!

Verses Sky Terrasse, 100 Saint-Paul Street West

"deceptive websites all around" --Enoch

Verse Sky Bar, Hotel Nelligan

The Question:
Imagine It: You're stuck on a rooftop bar for the rest of your life with two friends, and one type of drink. Where's the bar, who are the friends, and what is the drink you choose?

The Bar You Selected:
You want a quick answer to your interests, and when you decide what it is you're interested in, you want it to be exactly how you've asked for it. Admittedly, this demand for things to be just as you've asked for them, and quickly, is often at the sacrifice of quality. You've, unfortunately, eliminated the room for creative fulfillment of desires, by instead opting for exact, and speedy response to them. Your challenge will be in learning to invest in the benefit of the long term pursuit. By expecting your whims to be fulfilled as soon as you have them, it turns out you sacrifice what it is you likely want at a deeper level. In other words, your personal development is much like that of a sophisticated teenager. That is, you have lofty ideas, but don't yet know how to implement them. Keep working on it, stick to the long term goal of developing yourself too, and you'll turn your goals into a worthwhile expression of your desires. You've got the appropriate ingredients for fulfilling your dreams. You just need to put a little more work (and time) into making them happen.

The Drink You Selected:
You like lower-mid range drinks that sound snazzy whether the taste fulfills the expectation or not.

The Rooftop Bar Review:
The cosmopolitan
The cosmo tasted like either a bunch of sweettarts smashed up and mixed in juice, or like a melted freezie. I poured it on the floor (outdoor wood planks) to be more polite than leaving it there full seemed like.

The worst drink on the menu--mango mania
A mix of orange juice, vodka, rhum, and mango, the mango mania tasted like a bad mango smoothie. You couldn't taste or feel the alcohol in it. Luis commented that it was a drink for teenagers, and then left it unfinished.

The open palate--chivas regal with a side of soda
The chivas arrived watered down, and on ice, with a side of high-mineral content soda water. The soda was served in a pouring container, rather than a drinking glass. Chivas is the only scotch option on the menu.

Ratings:

• 2 flags
• Drunkenness Danger Factor: Perfectly safe drunk danger factor for accessibility; Inconveniently accessible drunk factor on the bathroom
• The Paper Grade: C+
• The Appropriate Guest: The irritating tourist that would pay your bill
  
• The Narrative: A friend of mine from the U.S. Southwest told me a story about how after he and his first wife divorced she was determined for them to remain friends anyway. He went along with it, but admittedly resented the way she pretended like nothing had gone uncomfortably wrong between them when she left him for another man. After she and the new man got married, her new husband was offered a job in any of three towns in Colorado--Colorado Springs, Greeley, or Gunnison. The woman called her first husband, my friend, to ask for his advice on which town she and her new husband should move to. The first husband, afterall, was from Colorado and so would know the state better than she did. "Greeley" he told her, then hung up the phone. Greeley was the one area he'd never spend time in the state. It's known for smelling like cattle poop since the town is full of high-density cattle farms, and the city itself has no sites of real interest (as far as my friend is concerned). The ex-wife took his advice and she and her new husband moved to the cattle poop center of the state for a job. If rooftop bars in the Old Port of Montreal were cities in Colorado, this place would be Greeley.

How to Get There:
At the top of Hotel Nelligan, located at 100 Saint-Paul West, just West of Saint-Urbain, Verses Sky demands an elevator ride to the fifth floor, then a walk through the hotel halls to a small staircase out onto the rooftop terrasse. The view allows for a look at other buildings in the old port, as well as a glimpse at the old flour refinery to the south. The hotel itself is charming, with a enough well-regarded restaurant on the first floor. Verses Sky though is hardly worth a visit. It's music is too loud, and poorly played out of tinny speakers. The glaring-white dock lights hurt the eyes, and are hardly complimentary to anyones complexion. The service is slow. On the upside, there is enough seating that if you end up too close to the speakers, or the lights, you'll likely be able to relocate. However, don't expect the drinks to make up for the other poor features. The taste is substandard, and the price too high. Martinis--$10. The kitchen closes at 10 p.m.

The Roof-top Bar Personality Test: Installment 1

Here are the Results of Your Personality Test!

Terrasse 701, Hotel Place d' Armes, Montreal

"It was a cool adventure finding the place." --Luis

Hotel Place d'Armes, iHotelier

The Question:
Imagine It: You're stuck on a rooftop bar for the rest of your life with two friends, and one type of drink. Where's the bar, who are the friends, and what is the drink you choose?

The Bar You Selected:
You like reliable, comfortable, simple-chic. You expect the wait staff to know just what they're doing, and how to communicate with you, while also presenting themselves as comfortable in their interactions with you. Your taste in music is easy to listen to, but never easy listening. You prefer 40's vocal jazz. However, you demand the further constraint that every song played follow the theme "don't break my heart." You're not high-maintenance, you just know exactly what makes you comfortable, and such comfort is readily possible. Terrasse 701 fulfills your needs. You want a full panoramic view of the city stretching across the old port itself in the south, through the historic and domed government buildings, all the way to the mountain in the north. You want high-middle end bottle service options, and a variety of flavored martinis to choose from for drinks. Most of all, you want the space to talk with your friends without feeling pressured to leave, pressured to order, or required to get along with the other people in the bar.

The drink you selected:
You like your drinks top shelf, at a reasonable price.

The friends you chose:
Enoch, and Luis are the ideal companions for the rest of your life rooftop bar adventure. The three of you get along with a calm, steady humor allowing for the kind of self-entertainment without tedium demanded of your newly restrictive circumstances. The three of you range from quite different centers of the world--Nova Scotia, Brazil, and Alaska--allowing for ever changing surprise in conversation, while your interests--rooftop bar adventures, open-hearted affection, and jokes made of the moment--offer commonality that sustains your appreciation for each other.


The Rooftop Bar Review:
The cosmopolitan
The grand marnier cosmopolitan is the only cosmo they offer, and they make it well--smooth, strong, and easy to drink.

The worst drink on the menu--the bubble gum martini

Dependent on a housemade bubble gum liquor, it's easy to imagine the bubble gum martini going very wrong with too much fake bubble gum flavor, and made way too sweet. But, this drink turns out to be less bad than expected, offering a distinctive bubble gum taste balanced with lemon juice. It's not sweet at all. (Still, Luis wouldn't recommend it, unless you love the taste of bubble gum. I'll note: he did finish it.)

The open palate--Chivas Regal with a side of soda

Served on the rocks, with a side of high-mineral content sparkling water, Chivas is the only scotch they serve out of bottle.

Ratings:

• 9 flags
• Drunkenness Danger Factor:
  High Drunk Danger Factor for Accessibility; Perfectly Safe Drunk Danger Factor for Bathrooms
  
• The Paper Grade--Enoch: B+
• The Appropriate Guest--Luis: The Visiting Guest Speaker
• The Narrative--Elaine: In Alaska a couple of years ago, I went to a bar housed in a log cabin in the middle of the woods. A local band was playing that won't make world class news, but is fun when you're confined to the options of Alaska. Towards the end of the second set I wandered over to the polished, and oiled log-pine bar for a paper cup of water. A man sitting at the bar stopped me. "You own a Harley?" he asked me. "I think of it more as a long term goal," I responded. He looked me hard in the face as I poured my cup of water. "I've got a garage full of Harleys." Then he paused. I looked at him for a moment. Almost done with my cup of water he started again. "All I can offer you are all my Harleys, and my love. All I need to know is that I can trust you with my life." Impressed by the directness of his offer I answered him, "People could trust me with their life, I think. But you won't celebrate that opportunity." I finished my water and walked away. Being visited mostly by business types traveling through the area for financial negotiations, Terrasse 701 would never host the offer of a Harley. But, it'd be damn fun if it did.
  

How To Get There:
At the top of the Hotel Place d'Armes, located at 701 Cote de la Place d'Armes at the corner with Rue St Jacques Ouest, you'll find Terrasse 701. Hotel Place d'Armes is a boutique style hotel set at the crest of the hill that descends to the shore of Old Port Montreal. To find the rooftop bar, enter the 701 Bar found on the ground level of the hotel. At the back of the bar you'll find an elevator. Take it to the 8th floor, then walk up two flights of outside, open grate stairs to the roof of the building, and go around the corner. There you'll discover Terrasse 701. Once you're on top you'll be rewarded with a reliable, and interesting drink menu, the possibility of food until 9:30 p.m., and friendly service. The bathrooms are wonderfully accessible and boast a full length mirror you can't help but walk by, so no one will think you're vain when you HAVE TO look at it. There are two private room style stalls for women, and one for men. The bathrooms are clean, and well-tended. The service staff is multi-lingual, and friendly, without being pushy. Set on the crest of the hill, you'll enjoy a wonderful panoramic view of the area, but also a wind, so bring yourself something to wrap up in when need be.

The Rooftop Bar Personality Test: The Rules

Imagine it: You're stuck on a rooftop bar for the rest of your life with two friends, and one type of drink. Which bar, what drink, and which friends do you choose?

Rooftop Bar, Bangkok, Thailand, randomly found flickr photo

Answering such questions is clearly a crucial insight as to how we are to live our lives more broadly. You do remember that childhood personality test where you answer four questions--what body of water are you? how do you respond to light in a dark room? and two others I no longer remember--to discover the deep inner secrets of your soul, right? (Hint: the body of water represents your attitude towards sex; the light in the dark room represents your views on death.) I spent a good couple decades mildly obsessed with such "personality tests" hoping to discover myself more clearly by taking them.

With such an obsession in mind, Enoch, Luis, and I decided to facilitate our ability to answer our own version of such a soul-searching exercise by first making up the Personality Test of our choice (you know, the one that opens this posting), and then, beginning a systematic exploration of the rooftop bars in Montreal, starting with those found in the Old Port. Then, by sharing our insights we'd all have a better sense of what needs to be taken into consideration when choosing the best "rest of your life" rooftop locale.

Rooftop Bar, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan, randomly found flickr photo

But, considering the project, you still might ask: You're going to do a systematic exploration of roof top bars? Systematic how? Here's how:

The Rules
We constructed the following points to be addressed at each new locale.

1. Only rooftops count. Not a simple terrasse. A rooftop terrasse.
2. We would each choose a different category of drink to stick to through out the project.
3. The music at each location would be noted.
4. So would the general decor, the language capabilities of the staff, and the overall feel of the kind of customers the place attracted.
5. The accessibility of the terrasse itself, and of the bathrooms would be rated on a scale of safety during drunkenness.
6. The number of flags visible from each rooftop would be counted, and recorded.
7. We would develop a rating system to be used consistently for each place as a way of delivering the overall score.

Rooftop Bar, Mumbai, India, randomly found flickr photo

Drink Requirements
Luis insisted our process be scientific. As a first step towards that goal, we fulfilled point 2 above--selecting a drink category to stick to for each location. We were allowed to order, and stay long enough for, one well-appreciated beverage at each rooftop. By framing our drinking options in such a way we'd allow for direct comparison of drinks between different locales, and the chance to see multiple places more readily.

• I offered to serve as the control and so stick to only one drink throughout the entire project. Since the control would need to be as consistent as possible, the drink would have to be a classic everyone knows how to make. I went for the cosmopolitan. (duh.)

• Luis thought for a while and decided his job would be to order what looked like the worst drink on the menu. The Old Port, after all, is a fairly tourist heavy location, which means that any rooftop bar in the area is going to have to choose their balance between appealing to locals through well-proved standards, and drawing in those on flights of fancy. One sure fire way to fulfill that fantasy experience is through the offering of a variety of really awful, too sweet and fruity drink concoctions. Luis assigned himself to testing this range of the drinking world. Noble man.

• Enoch decided to go for the open palate. He'd drink whatever drew his attention at each locale, with the understanding that it would most likely be scotch.

Rooftop Bar, Beijing, China, randomly found flickr photo

The Flags
With the multi-national atmosphere of Montreal, and the two-nations reality of Quebec, this city is big on its flag flying. The variety seen here is actually quite lovely. Quebec has it's white cross, and fleur-de-lys on a deep blue field. Canada has its red maple leaf on a white and red tripartite backdrop. And Montreal celebrates a red cross, with four different flowers representing the original non-Aboriginal settlers of the city--the fleur de lys (for the French), the Lancastrian rose (for the English), a Shamrock (for the Irish), the thistle (for the Scottish)--all on a white canvas. From any elevated location in the city you're likely to see flags in all directions. The flag count, then, tells us how alert to clear horizon the rooftop stands.

Rating System
It turns out getting three philosophers together to rate rooftop bars doesn't always go as smoothly as you'd think. In trying to determine how we'd rate each place I offered the suggestion many food critics take--some variation on a five point scale. You know, "this is a four whisk restaurant" or, "I give it three out of five eggs for cleanliness." The suggestion immediately launched us into a philosophical discussion of rating and grading systems. Quickly spotting the intellectual trap that rating analysis poses, we decided to avoid getting caught in the conundrum and chose to each develop our own style of rating system, thereby giving a different score from each of us for each place.

• Enoch's suggestion was to rate a bar like one would grade a paper--on a scale from A to F.

• Luis decided he'd rate the bar based on who he would either take there, or who he'd suggest go there.

• I decided to stick with my overly narrative ways, and offer as my rating the story from personal experience that seems most apt to express the feel of the place.

Rooftop Bar, Charleston, South Carolina, USA, randomly found flickr photo

Having laid the ground rules, the reviews can begin. Throughout the summer, then, I'll continue with mini-groupings of these reviews representing a few rooftops a night.