No one knows what the body can do. -Spinoza

Monday, November 2, 2009


So, here's the thing. I've honestly been so swamped this semester that I haven't even had the time to fantasize about what I'd do if I had time to do things other than what I must do because of that demanding schedule I mentioned. Follow?

This weekend things finally eased up a bit. I'm still incredibly busy. I'm just not swamped. So, with a weekend to actually unwind I immediately got super emo, felt shakey and frazzled, then got invited to shave my friends head, then had to drink a beer to chill out enough to do it (Stella Artois), then donned "living mannequin" attire for Halloween to try and escape the emo problem (mannequins don't feel ANYTHING afterall), then felt super awkward wearing a skin tight dress in this little tiny town and having everyone stare at me without speaking because of it, so donned a second dress on top of the first one and claimed to be early Cher, and finally, ended up waking up the next day even more emo than before. Jesus. This is why we're supposed to have free time EVER. So we can have feelings a little everyday, rather than all at once suddenly some weekend at the end of October.

First, here's the Halloween pics:
The Living Mannequin with Hermione Granger

The Living Mannequin, sans coat, with Hermione Granger in the lobby of A HAUNTED HOTEL

Claiming to be "Early Cher" in order to cover up the skin-tight Herve Leger dress that is awkwardly out of place in a small American Mountain Town. Strangely, I behaved more mannequin like as Cher than I did without the silver outfit. (Still in THE HAUNTED HOTEL!!!)

So, my schedule has eased up just enough to allow me to fantasize about what I'd do if I had free time, though not enough, really, to actually claim free time. So, to spend that just-enough-time-now-to-fantasize time, following are things I'd do if I wasn't so busy. It's amazing how simple the things on such a list become when you're busy enough. Of course there must be, somewhere out there floating in the universe, a list of what I'd do if I had real huge gobs of free time. But, currently, I have no idea what that more complicated list would be. Here are the currently relevant dreams:

1. Read some luxuriously self-reflective, emotionally aware, sophisticated, low action, not too dramatic, character driven novel. (Suggestions?)
2. Make vegan, maple syrup, olive oil, oat, toasted almond, chocolate chip cookies.
3. Make dark (no dairy) chocolate truffles, and roll them in cocoa powder.
4. Drink champagne.
5. Do all of the above in a gold sequined dress, with my hair up, and no makeup except red lipstick, mascara, and a little bit of blush, plus dangley earrings, and high heels.
6. Take the heels off after the second flute of champagne.
7. Let someone come over and make me some extravagant wonderful food and serve it to me.
8. Sit around the house smiling, watching entertaining people be themselves.
9. Make pie.
10. Dress up in some red strapless bustier floor length ball gown like I have anywhere to go in it. (I don't own this dress yet but this is fantasy AND OH! IF I DID (own it)!)

Here's the post shave (him), and sans Halloween-outfit (me) portrait the shavee's photographer friend took after the occasion.

image by Carol Bily Hagen


  1. alright. first of all, i wish i could go back in time and space to be in Arizona on 31 October 2009, to properly deal with the emo funk.
    second, eff everyone who made you feel awkward while *completely owning* that freaking amazing herve leger dress - these pics of you are great, and i like the living mannequin idea. flag is so stifling and uptight sometimes!
    third, feelings are hard and we know this, but it's good actually.
    fourth, four, five, six, seven, and ten can be done despite not having all kinds of free time, and i encourage to immediately and unilaterally adopt a policy to actionize these points.
    fifth, 'the voyage out' by virginia woolfe is her first novel, and very interesting to read because of this, and i think has a nice mix of author-exploring-herself plus author-exploring-the-world-of-Others, and i will send it to you when i'm done with it.

    i love you.

  2. #2 sounds delicious. are you still vegan? maybe i should try, since the boyf is. oh but a life without cheese... and a life without my dior jacket! no no, no no.

    also what should i bring to alabama?! i suppose we can talk more about that closer towards the actual event.

    novel-wise, at the beach earlier this year i read 'the end of the story' by lydia davis. it might be what you're looking for. you could, if you haven't read 'the sexual life of catherine m.' it's not really what you're looking for at all, but i'd be interested to hear what you have to say about it.